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happycherries

West Salem

Member Since 2004

Followers 50 Following 45

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Wednesday Nov 30, 2005

Nov 30, 2005
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I've been an actress for a long time... I can make people believe that I'm the happiest person in the world. When I was 4 or 5 I was in one of many beauty pagents my mother put us in. I had the flu. I remember feeling just so tired and sick. But I let my mother doll me up. SHe curled my hair up and glued on eyelashes. Stopping afew times so I could throw up. It was never suggested that I not do the pagent. So I went out and smiled my trained smile and stood up on my tippie toes. Back stage I could hardly stand up. My makeup was running because of the sweat dripping off my brow. I knew in several mins that I would have to go out and sing and dance. In my little 5 year old head I knew that I had to please my mommy. With my feet squeezed into little tiny high heels, I prepare my self to go do what I "had" to do. Then suddenly the tears started pouring out of my eyes. I was SO SICK! How could my mommy make me do this?? My mom took one look at me and said "knock it off. No one came here to see you bawl. No one cares."

That was my training for 18 years of my life. No one cares if you're sad no one wants to know about it.


It's the holidays that are doing this to me. They make me think about holidays past. About the portioned food my mom would set out for us at family dinners. THe glances and the shaking of her head if I thought about a sweet. I never looked forward to christmas. Gifts came with a price. She would make my sister and I feel guilty about the money she spent on us. I still will never forget her buying clothes a size to small for us and telling us we needed to lose weight. We were 10. That was the year my sister stopped eating.

Why cant I put that all behind me? I can't be happy with my new family because I can't stop thinking about my old one. THere have just been so many dissopointments in my life.

THe christmas I had tyson my boyfriend had drank all of our money away. I bought tyson a 4 dollar toy from walmart. Someone put our name in for this charity that buys presents for families who can't buy thier own. I got beat up because my boyfriend thought that I put our name in.

I've always wanted to skip the holidays. For alot of reasons.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
darksphere:
Season four wasnt out in Ireland when I left. Havnt seen it. Which reminds me. Carttons start soon.
Dec 4, 2005
panthro:
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

and what have you got against beavers? confused
Dec 4, 2005

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