hansel

27 years ago today my sister was thrown out of hell for jay walking at obtuse angles. It's been rumored that out of boredom she made me from loose leaf paper and hot glue to fly next to the sun on warm weather days. Another failed experiment. The truth being that I was stolen from the caring breadbasket of my gypsy masters, whom had me painting the underside of their horses as sky so the butterflies would never be bored. I was stolen as she trekked through the Canadian rockies in search of God, whom not only owed her $1.12 for bus fare but also had the other five commandments for sale. The proceeds afforded to advertise his latest creation: The McMiracle.The other five commandments are actually in a Madlib format and only for someone with keen understanding of adjectives, adverbs and thou. And though Jesus rides a Harley, he will not do auto repairs for free. The best laid plans of mice and minor deities are often eaten by zombies.

Meanwhile, Satan had realized the need for more sex in the Sex + Drugs = Rock n' Roll equation that would later guarantee his entry into our space time continuum. Thus on the ninth day Satan annointed in santorum the five major record labels. Another experiement gone awry. Beneficially, the second and third wave retro-rock throwback bands the majors grew in pods have no need to purchase hair gel, as the santorum that annointed the majors has amazing hold. The world economy was damaged badly in this exchange. As the major exporters of hair gel, Sierra Leone and Tofurkey have not been able to pay their rent and have been put on probationary notice. They may vacate Earth soon.