I was out of town yesterday to attend a funeral. It wasn't anyone that I was really close to, but it made me realize one thing... I hope I never put my friends and family through what I went through. Now, maybe that's what the deceased really wanted, and maybe the family thought it was a fitting tribute... but not for me, thank you. So I've decided that I'd better put down in writing EXACTLY what I want when my time comes.
First, I always thought that funerals were supposed to do two things... One, they were supposed to celebrate the live of the person who's passed. Second, they're supposed to bring a sense of comfort and peace to the family. I didn't feel either of those things yesterday. What I felt was a lot of impersonal "I knew the person" stories from the THREE ministers that were speaking, and them trying to outdo each other with their grasp of the 23rd Psalm and stories about people who, after their four daughters were killed in a boat wreck, wrote an old hymn about how it was all well and good. One of the ministers shared how he was a fourteen year cancer survivor and that he didn't know why he survived and the departed didn't, but it must have been part of "God's Plan". He also shared a "poem" about what cancer couldn't do.. complete with colorful verbs like "destroy" and "devour" and "kill". It was maddning.
I felt like a horrible person because by halfway through the funeral, I actually thought that it must be nice to be the deceased, because they weren't having to listen to this crap. And I don't think you should EVER feel that way. Aren't funerals supposed to make you appreciate life? Remember the good times? Give you hope for the future?
Well, I won't do that to my friends. I love them too much to make them sit through that kind of crap. So here's some do's and do not's for MY funeral.
DO NOT have my body somewhere that forces you to walk by it to get in to the church. In fact, I don't know if I even want my body on display... it's not the best... how about getting a nicelooking body and sewing my head on? I won't mind. I'm dead. But regardless, I don't think that everyone should be forced to view my corpse... I bet I'd rather have you remember me, oh, I don't know... laughing or smiling or karaoking rather than lying quietly. I never lie quietly.
DO NOT play sad bastard music. Sure, I'm dead, but that's no reason to bring the room down. Play fun stuff, play music that I liked, and while you're smiling and thinking, "Trampas would have really liked hearing 'Seventeen' by Winger one last time," you can be assured that I am somewhere headbanging along with you.
DO tell stories about me. Tell everyone about the random road trips we'd taken, or fire hydrants we've stolen, or magical moments that we had together. Share with each other, laugh, cry and know that if you remember me, I'll never be gone. Besides, I've taken steps to ensure that..... now where'd I put my horcrux?
DO spend more time visiting with each other than you spend worrying about me. Nothing that can be done for me now, but everyone else in the place... you can still help. You can still love. You could make their lives better because you made mine better.
DO cry if you want to. It's my party, and you'll cry if you want to. Or don't. Just be honest with yourself about the whole thing.
This ended up a lot more serious than I had anticipated... it was going to be a joke, kind of a send up of what I could do in a crazy world... but now, I think I may just hold you all to these.
Now, where'd I put my Monster Ballads cd?
First, I always thought that funerals were supposed to do two things... One, they were supposed to celebrate the live of the person who's passed. Second, they're supposed to bring a sense of comfort and peace to the family. I didn't feel either of those things yesterday. What I felt was a lot of impersonal "I knew the person" stories from the THREE ministers that were speaking, and them trying to outdo each other with their grasp of the 23rd Psalm and stories about people who, after their four daughters were killed in a boat wreck, wrote an old hymn about how it was all well and good. One of the ministers shared how he was a fourteen year cancer survivor and that he didn't know why he survived and the departed didn't, but it must have been part of "God's Plan". He also shared a "poem" about what cancer couldn't do.. complete with colorful verbs like "destroy" and "devour" and "kill". It was maddning.
I felt like a horrible person because by halfway through the funeral, I actually thought that it must be nice to be the deceased, because they weren't having to listen to this crap. And I don't think you should EVER feel that way. Aren't funerals supposed to make you appreciate life? Remember the good times? Give you hope for the future?
Well, I won't do that to my friends. I love them too much to make them sit through that kind of crap. So here's some do's and do not's for MY funeral.
DO NOT have my body somewhere that forces you to walk by it to get in to the church. In fact, I don't know if I even want my body on display... it's not the best... how about getting a nicelooking body and sewing my head on? I won't mind. I'm dead. But regardless, I don't think that everyone should be forced to view my corpse... I bet I'd rather have you remember me, oh, I don't know... laughing or smiling or karaoking rather than lying quietly. I never lie quietly.
DO NOT play sad bastard music. Sure, I'm dead, but that's no reason to bring the room down. Play fun stuff, play music that I liked, and while you're smiling and thinking, "Trampas would have really liked hearing 'Seventeen' by Winger one last time," you can be assured that I am somewhere headbanging along with you.
DO tell stories about me. Tell everyone about the random road trips we'd taken, or fire hydrants we've stolen, or magical moments that we had together. Share with each other, laugh, cry and know that if you remember me, I'll never be gone. Besides, I've taken steps to ensure that..... now where'd I put my horcrux?
DO spend more time visiting with each other than you spend worrying about me. Nothing that can be done for me now, but everyone else in the place... you can still help. You can still love. You could make their lives better because you made mine better.
DO cry if you want to. It's my party, and you'll cry if you want to. Or don't. Just be honest with yourself about the whole thing.
This ended up a lot more serious than I had anticipated... it was going to be a joke, kind of a send up of what I could do in a crazy world... but now, I think I may just hold you all to these.
Now, where'd I put my Monster Ballads cd?
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I'm doing better now though, for sure. Yesterday was just a bit crazy.
Me and funerals...well, we've been friends too many times.
At my dads funeral, 2 of his cousins who are reverends did the service. It was good because they grew up with him, so they told stories and stuff and we're southern, so they honestly celebrated his life.
At my moms, it was alittle different, but it wasnt cheesy. She was still celebrated and what not.
My grandpas funeral was in NC, it was ridiculously southern and noone really cried. Its amazing how they celebrated his life with pictures and stories and songs.
I
Anyways...
I miss you. Come home to PA. The days are getting warmer, the nights are getting longer...and theres much fun to be had, but none of it matters without you. I miss our adventures, our long talks... =[[