So I've been hitting the gym lately and I think it's my new favourite thing!
Anyone who knows me would NEVER have expected those words to come from my mouth. I've always been the quiet one, the book worm, the introvert, the Saturday night in kind of girl, the one who would do anything to get out of gym class in school (SO many fake sick notes, I had my parents signatures down! Haha) and I suffer from depression and anxiety. I'm not saying quiet or depressed people don't exercise, but in my case I had no interest or motivation whatsoever of going to a room full of people I didn't know and doing some dreaded exercise.
Well one day that just changed. I don't know why or how, but I told myself I WOULD go the gym. If I hated it like I thought I would, I would never have to go again. Sounded like a good deal to me! I was convinced I'd hate it and wouldn't go back, and it would be a great way to silence that horrible, criticising, guilt-tripping inner monologue that made me feel awful for not having the motivation, for not wanting to be more outgoing or brave enough to put myself in an uncomfortable situation. At least this way I could say I had tried.
So I went... And I fucking loved it. A really funny, easy going guy gave the induction and luckily it was only us in there so I didn't feel embarrassed trying the equipment in front of more experienced gym goers. I felt so good, I felt accomplished. And I've been going as often as I can since then.
My confidence has grown, my self-destructive thoughts have been somewhat silenced, and my depression is a lot easier to manage now that I have a form of release on particularly bad days, a way to tire myself out to stop myself from over thinking in bed at night, a goal to work towards, the feeling of being able to overcome new obstacles and face fears.
I don't really know why I'm writing this... I guess I want to let anyone else who has the same issues as I do know that there are ways to feel better.
I'm not going to tell you to go to the gym, to wake up and feel motivated to run laps or do press ups. I've always hated the "just get up and do something" mentality towards mental health. It's not that simple! And it might not even be for you! But maybe something else will... Swimming, perhaps. Roller skating like you used to as a kid. Or perhaps just a short walk to get some air and to clear the mind. It's not easy, and I don't want to pretend that it is. But I hope that if you can relate to how I feel, then hopefully sometime soon you'll feel that unexpected burst of motivation that I had to just try it, because you might find that it is the best thing you'll ever do for yourself, physically and mentally.
My goal is to gain weight through muscle. I've always been skinny, and I've never liked it. I can see the results already after just a few weeks and that only encourages me to keep going, even on days when I don't particularly feel like it.
