Hi fans. I miss you. I really do. I'm sorry I've been not good on here. I'll try harder. Maybe a resolution? What a lame resolution.
2009 can die in a carfire. Despite all that has happened in this journey, I'm tempted to say it was the worst year of my life. Lots of bad things, lots of good things that went bad, and lots of amazing things that went god awful. It was the year of Murphy's Law. I guess maybe I was hoping Obama would fix it all, but he already fixed my radiator, so I guess it's time to roll up my own sleeves. Hell, I now know I can survive anything, and do quite well on my own. And despite the fact that 99% of people are dishonest people, most by choice (for survival?), I learned that there are still a few people that will stay true. I've learned this year to be closer with dudes.
I spose I've always had a rough time getting along with most dudes, but this year showed that no matter how much things change, some can be trusted.
First, my brother.
That's him, second from the left. My family recently uncovered this picture of him and his friends in high school. You wish you were cool in high school now, don't you? Despite all the bad things that this picture says about him though, it also shows him embracing the most, except the other irish kid. That dude is weird. My bro may be a preppy, poncy, douchebag, but over the last few years he has shown a lot of maturity when it comes to conflict resolution, and since he got his wedding video, he's been sending me adorable text messages about what a perfect best man I was. I watched it myself. It was surreal. Some parts were tough. But I still smile when I see him. I missed him at Christmas this year. He was with the inlaws.
I did get a chance to see my boy Baby-Faced Bob though over Christmas.
So much has changed with this guy. 5 years ago he was sleeping on a mattress in the corner of my living room, and now he's married to someone we nick-named Hot-Pants McGee, for like, a year, til he wooed her, married her, and knocked her up (not necessarily in that order). Now he's got a home and wife and a son and the twinkle in his eye now has a name. This man understands parts of me that I've never shared with anyone else. He was also helpful when my supposed soul mate flashed her ring in my face recently.
This guy is in Afghanistan right now, fighting for your freedom. I know so. He rubbed in the Colts victory 5 minutes before he boarded the plan so I told him to fuck off and go fight for my freedom.
I miss him terribly and he's now the only thing I have left of Ohio that I am allowed to openly love. He spent half his leave with me this year and was self-conscious about the weight he'd put on and the fear of public transportation he'd picked up from suicide bombers, but I love him all the same and worry about him often.
Meanwhile, back in Boston, I'm getting ready to move in with a pal of mine into a REALLY nice place. I'm terribly nervous, for a million reasons, but 2010 will be a year with a little less fear, I've decided. 2009 tried to break me down and teach me that this world is cold and filled with liars and everyone will betray me. I say, fuck that. If I have ideals, I will display them. I will be bold and honest and fuck unfriendly people; I'm smiling all the time at them now and will till they smile back. 2009 was a year of feeling helpless. 2010 will bring the return of my balls, my lust for life, and a world in which I rebuild my own family, home, and city. I've forgotten what a gift it can be to have so much taken away from me. I'd gotten soft.
(This song came on while I was writing this, and may have led to it's righteous anger and motivational feel. May have. But this is sort of where I'm at)
As far as women go, the fears are starting to totally dissipate. She's out there somewhere. Whoever she is, known or unknown, it will happen. Even in the darkest hour, I believe it more than ever. Course, ask me 11 months from now.
To the hunt for Truth.
Cheers.
