halfjack

Hi friends. I'm sorry I haven't been spending enough time with you. I promise, I'll be a better blogger. I'll be a better man. I'll be better...........
For those of you who know, thanks for the kind words. For those of you who don't, I got dumped by the girl. Three years of oxytacin is a sweet sweet drug, and I assure you, it's been a tough monkey on my back. The first few night was the worst, and involved hours of bawling, scratching myself, and throwing up. I saw a new primary care doc today, and he told me that new research into oxytacin shows that apperently a situation such as mine can be similar to opiate withdrawal. It felt sort of like that, but I think he was just being nice, and possibly hitting on me.
I was there because my broken heart has left me with. . . . a broken heart. My symptoms have all sort of ganged up nonstop over the past week or so, making sleep, working out, and just being chill damn near impossible. The doc thinks I have either a) hyperthyroidism b)an over-active adrenal gland c) a pulmonary embolism (but not likely). Either way, it explains why I've been in an increasingly tense mofo for the past few years. I just want a diagnosis, after almost 20 years of tests and shrugs, and some treatment. He also said that the love hormones I was getting from baby girl were possibly supressing some of these symptoms, and that this heartbreak may have saved my heart. I really wanted to hit him with the sharps container. Instead I just stared at him and said lucky me.
So the next step, after the grotesque amount of bloodwork they got outta me, is for me to, yup. Wait weeks for a halter monitor, but in the meantime, they gave me a jug to fill up with my own piss. A 24 hour supply. Oh, how fun this will be at work. Especailly cuz it's in a big orange juice looking container, and someone always steals my juice.
Some things helping me through this:

-Copious amounts of cigarettes and alcohol.

-My friend Rob, who's girlfriend just so happened to be out of town on Valentine's Weekend

-The knowledge that the 6 grand accumalating in the Engagement Ring and Travel account just became rob the jewelry store and tell em make me a grill, account. That's right. I'ma cause a cold front if I take a deep breath

-Albanians

-fmylife

-kitten cannon and ninja rope while listening to the song from Dr. Horrible

-After being up front with my disaster of a roommate, he's leaving at the end of this month. It's mutual. I wasn't a dick.

-viewers like you

So come on in. Have seat. Crack a cold one. Let's catch up.
The Return of the Mack. You knew that I'd be back.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go watch The Shadow

Edited to add:

New thing that's helping me:

-Shambhala Buddhism. It was the only kind I really liked when I checked out alternate religions in junior high and high school. Just so happens there's a center/temple right next to my work, and I asked a friend of mine about it who goes. Last night I got a zen enema. I connected with a lot of what was spoken about. The main speaker guy talked about walling ourselves off from the world when we are hurt, especially to the ones we are closest to. Bing. But when it really happened was when this one girl was asking about what she was doing in her relationship, how she was excited about the ideas of human connection and communication, and forcing it on her boyfriend, and how that probably made him feel judged, but she couldn't let go of that control. I said SHIT loud enough for the front two rows to look at me. I wished I'd gone earlier. Then I wondered if I would have even heard it, really, had I gone a month, or a year earlier, and heard that. These thoughts started a crackling of small realizations about myself. I'm onto something big. More soon.

Much love,

Richard Gere