My world goes down: i still don't find a job and i'm afraid about my future, i have constantly panick attack and my nights are horribles, i sleep in the sofa of my parents house with my cat. I'm afraid to get depresses once again, last time it was last summer and i loose my job i was in since five years; that's a drama for me. Money runs out and i need to work. No one help me, i'm very alone, my dear friend in Canada wrote me few lines some days ago and since no news, i miss her online: this is my only friend i can said anything with, but she got lot of problems too, being abandonned at birth and homeless. Life isn'nt easy, i think about my fiancee who died 6 years ago commiting suicide, life is really unfair sometimes...In fact i just ask for a job, since i loose mine my moral goes down each day a little more, i need to proove i'm living, i need to be a part of...
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i'm sure you're part of a lot more things without realising and i'm sure you'll find a job eventually, it just takes some confidence.
Here it's midnight near and i can't sleep, i'm watching Dark Angel series that i have in dvd, in fact i own a lot of dvd, about 300 and i realize since my fiancee died i take refuge in imagination and watching movie, being obfuscate from real life just because i was working, but no one were in my life. I realize i had a sad life, no one loving me no more.
Well better stop here, tomorrow is another day...maybe.