hadak

whatever i wrote before....double it. she's up again and more pissed. fucking christ.

it is 1:30am... and as much as i love my daughter, she really annoyed me. a lot. she woke up shortly before midnight, which she never does, and started crying. i held her for a while, till she fell asleep - and set her down. more crying. i picked her up, repeated.... more crying. i change her diaper, gave her a bottle....rocked her to sleep......
Read More

so tired. family get-together today. going to watch kill bill vol 2...then sleep...

man. shit has been pretty fucked up lately. i suppose i can't complain tho, cause i'm still alive. i go back to court in a couple days, but what makes me more nervous is seeing her tomorrow... i normally don't spend thursday night at my dad's, but this week i am. sarah'll be here at about 12:30 tomorrow...and generally, i make it a point not...
Read More

it's official: i suck at making pancakes. if you happen to wake up next to me, don't expect pancakes. or at least, don't expect *good* pancakes. i did a google search for "how to make pancakes" and clicked the first link.... it said flour, eggs, and milk. apparently, it takes a bit more than that. my dad woke up, must have smelled something awful. came...
Read More

it happened again.

i had another dream about her. about my ex. about my baby's mom. this time, it wasn't a sex dream. this time it was different. very different. this time she was in a car accident, and bloodied up.

i don't know what these dreams mean, and why there is such a contrast betweenthem, but according to kristin, *everyone* has been having these...
Read More

fucking christ. so get this. i'm all psyched because i get to start working again....with like double the pay. well, i go and sign the papers to start today, and i get a call a few minutes later from my dad. he says that the deal fell thru because his boss (the CEO...of porsche) said that he doesn't want a family member working for an...
Read More

Absolutely nothing has happened since Saturday. I mean - i haven't even left Zak's basement. Someone should come save me from this place.

today i went and got my psych eval. i hope it went better than i think it did...the guy was a total TOOL. he tried to make me contradict myself, and tried to trap me with my words. after he asked me a shit ton of questions for about 3 hours, i had to fill in two questionaires...one was 175 questions, the other 350+. i'll...
Read More

i had the most fucked up dream lastnight. a sex dream about the ex. the one i'm afraid to even talk to, but i'm stuck with for the next 18 years. i finally came around and feel as tho i've gotten over her - and then i'm hit with a dream like that. i don't know what to think, i don't know how to feel......
Read More

Today I told megz how i feel about her - knowing full well that nothing was going to come of it... i just needed to get it off my chest. she knew everything i told her already ...but she knew i needed to tell her... to stop obesessing over it. she had a point. maybe i'm just a lonely person who will cling to any...
Read More

well that fucking pisses me off.

time for a history lesson:
my mom is a bitch. straight up. she hasn't had a job in 3 years - yet she raises my sister and lives in a half million dollar mansion. how's she manage? she milks the system, and keeps hitting up my dad for more child support money. in fact, she jsut started getting an...
Read More