Things that are Bothering Me - Part 1
1. I hate having no control over my surroundings. This is nothing new. I hate lacking control in any aspect, but its becoming more and more of an issue again. Its always an issue but its starting to get to where I feel like I can not handle it. Like the point where I do something stupidly impulsive, like up and move across the country, or just start snapping on the drop of a dime and become a person that I dont like very much. This has been really bothering me for awhile, I think its majorly contributing to my recent inability to shower and get dressed, but there are a couple of things at the moment that are really pushing it to the foreground.
I can not stand that I have no control over the temperature in our house, and therefore my comfort level. Its been a little cooler out, still warm but cooler (80s as opposed to 90-100), so mom turned the air off. I understand why, its expensive. There are a couple of problems with this. With the air off, the windows are open and that lets allergens in that bother Toast, he feels sick and is in an awful mood all the time, were fighting. Also, without the air conditioning on, its more humid in here. I feel like I have chains wrapped around my chest, I cant breathe, and I feel like Im having a panic attack pretty much all the time. Aside from all that, its hot in here. Our room (where I spend almost all my time) is the only room in the house that doesnt have tree coverage. Im baking in the sun, and that makes me feel sick too. It doesnt help that I know in a few months its going to be winter. They keep it freezing in here in the winter. Im sick all the time as it is, so lets keep me frozen like a popsicle and see if that helps. Guess what, it doesnt.
(how could that face make anyone angry?)
The other thing? We brought up getting a puppy to my mom, and now shes pissed, and she will be angry if we get one. Lots of reasons why shes angry, some valid, some not so much. Heres the deal, Dexter has a lot of energy. Since Chance died, hes been having these uncontrollable spurts of energy where he runs wildly through the house and you kind of just have to get out of his way. He also tore apart a couch cushion, hes never destroyed anything like that before. I think he just has too much pent up energy. Randomly throughout the day, he would play with Chance. Usually only a few minutes at a time, but apparently it made a big difference.
We walk him. Toast takes him out and runs circles with him around the yard or the parking lot behind our house (we do have a big yard, plenty of room he could run, but unfortunately its not fenced in and he doesnt stay put). All of that will stop when winter comes though. I dont do winter. I would not leave the house for then entire duration if I could get away with it. I hate cold, and Mr. puppy pants (that would be Dex), feels the same way. He has like 0% body fat, and hardly any fur. Hes basically running around naked. We take him naughties potties, he does his business and turns around, heads straight for the door with a look on his face like dear god, can we please go back inside now.
(Do you see his puppy pants?)
This is why I want to get a puppy now. Honestly, I would prefer to wait awhile, but I think it would be best if she were big enough to play with him come winter. I worry about his well being, and I worry about him hurting someone. He would NEVER intentionally hurt someone, but when hes really excited, its like he stops thinking and Im afraid hell accidentally hurt someone. I guess that doesnt matter though because puppies cost money. I agree with her, we cant really afford to get a puppy. Even the adoption fee at the Humane Society is now $250, but I cant do that to him. Hell go stir crazy. Thats not good for anyone.
I talked a lot more about that than I meant to, so Im going to save things that are bothering me, numbers 2 and 3, for tomorrow.
1. I hate having no control over my surroundings. This is nothing new. I hate lacking control in any aspect, but its becoming more and more of an issue again. Its always an issue but its starting to get to where I feel like I can not handle it. Like the point where I do something stupidly impulsive, like up and move across the country, or just start snapping on the drop of a dime and become a person that I dont like very much. This has been really bothering me for awhile, I think its majorly contributing to my recent inability to shower and get dressed, but there are a couple of things at the moment that are really pushing it to the foreground.
I can not stand that I have no control over the temperature in our house, and therefore my comfort level. Its been a little cooler out, still warm but cooler (80s as opposed to 90-100), so mom turned the air off. I understand why, its expensive. There are a couple of problems with this. With the air off, the windows are open and that lets allergens in that bother Toast, he feels sick and is in an awful mood all the time, were fighting. Also, without the air conditioning on, its more humid in here. I feel like I have chains wrapped around my chest, I cant breathe, and I feel like Im having a panic attack pretty much all the time. Aside from all that, its hot in here. Our room (where I spend almost all my time) is the only room in the house that doesnt have tree coverage. Im baking in the sun, and that makes me feel sick too. It doesnt help that I know in a few months its going to be winter. They keep it freezing in here in the winter. Im sick all the time as it is, so lets keep me frozen like a popsicle and see if that helps. Guess what, it doesnt.
(how could that face make anyone angry?)
The other thing? We brought up getting a puppy to my mom, and now shes pissed, and she will be angry if we get one. Lots of reasons why shes angry, some valid, some not so much. Heres the deal, Dexter has a lot of energy. Since Chance died, hes been having these uncontrollable spurts of energy where he runs wildly through the house and you kind of just have to get out of his way. He also tore apart a couch cushion, hes never destroyed anything like that before. I think he just has too much pent up energy. Randomly throughout the day, he would play with Chance. Usually only a few minutes at a time, but apparently it made a big difference.
We walk him. Toast takes him out and runs circles with him around the yard or the parking lot behind our house (we do have a big yard, plenty of room he could run, but unfortunately its not fenced in and he doesnt stay put). All of that will stop when winter comes though. I dont do winter. I would not leave the house for then entire duration if I could get away with it. I hate cold, and Mr. puppy pants (that would be Dex), feels the same way. He has like 0% body fat, and hardly any fur. Hes basically running around naked. We take him naughties potties, he does his business and turns around, heads straight for the door with a look on his face like dear god, can we please go back inside now.
(Do you see his puppy pants?)
This is why I want to get a puppy now. Honestly, I would prefer to wait awhile, but I think it would be best if she were big enough to play with him come winter. I worry about his well being, and I worry about him hurting someone. He would NEVER intentionally hurt someone, but when hes really excited, its like he stops thinking and Im afraid hell accidentally hurt someone. I guess that doesnt matter though because puppies cost money. I agree with her, we cant really afford to get a puppy. Even the adoption fee at the Humane Society is now $250, but I cant do that to him. Hell go stir crazy. Thats not good for anyone.
I talked a lot more about that than I meant to, so Im going to save things that are bothering me, numbers 2 and 3, for tomorrow.