guttermouth

- Letter to Australian girl- Today I was in a daze for the better part of the twenty plus hours I have been awake. I get a call at 7:30 in the morning calling me into work for someone to tell me how i'm in trouble for something, that at the time I couldn't see any harm in. They talked to me about how I have developed a history of trouble within a year, and that i'm playing with fire, and the smoke and ashes from those flames will consume me and any chance that I have of a future. Of course when I awoke to this disturbing phone call, I already knew what it was about. I felt the pressure of compounding lies, and the turning of my stomach, that feeling that I want to vomit all of my repressed hate onto these people that are holier than thou. I found myself staring out onto a snow covered lawn, in a place that I've never felt a part of, staring at the world with distant eyes. These eyes sometimes don't even seem to be my own anymore, as if I'm watching some wretched play that I can't turn away from. The car wreck that we call life. After listening to incoherent ramblings of people who don't even want to think what life is, I felt humbled yet inferior. The lady who was somewhat of the source of my recent woes kindly gave me a ride back to my house. Along the way she was ever so apologetic for what had transpired, I informed her though that it doesn't matter. "But it's your future" she did retort, " it is a bat of an eyelash, with in a blink of an eye" I replied. What am I living for? Slaving for a job where my superiors are quick with the whip, yet slow with the water. And for what? To buy things that will expire before I do. Then I did reflect, staring deep into the cavity of my heart that has grown colder than the air that I breathe on these frigid nights. I found that a tiny little fire did burn within, it was fueled by simple pleasures, unforgettable nights, letters from long lost friends. Not new clothes, or payraises, or any of these worldly desires. I remembered that just three hours prior to my rude awakening, I was on the phone with someone who had shed a tiny light on an otherwise dark year. In spite of my need for pity and self-loathing, I smiled, I couldn't help it. Simple pleasures. Thank you.