gunderground

Who knows who I really am inside. When I'm like this because of my back I'm empty emo guy that nobody wants to be around because he's super depressing. I don't blame people. I completely understand, because I hate myself like this. When my back is good I literally feel unstoppable. I have tons of energy, my mood is always buoyant, when obstacles are encountered...
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I don't know what to do to not feel so alone in this world. I've tried not caring about being alone, but that doesn't work forever. I'm trying to be more caring and loving, but I still feel this way. I've tried to just be me as they say. People don't mind being around me when I'm fun, but that ends if I'm in any...
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Thoughts I came up with earlier, commenting somewhere else.

I have a relatively new outlook of being positive and saying good things to people that I chose to. Trying to cultivate new friendships while also keeping my emotions open for "the one". The one who likes me as much as like them. Love and relationships is a scale of emotions, and the best ones are...
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Sometimes I feel so broken and depressed. For the past 20+ yrs I've battled my scoliosis and I still feel like I never make any headway.

Like I said, I'm hyper. 😳🤷♂️ So I typed this

I'm trying to practice keeping my heart(jeez, I feel corny using that word but🤷♂️) full, even if no one is around or people aren't helping recharging it. Of course every day I won't be able to depending if I can or can't access my feelings,but when I can I'm going to try and keep it...
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A friend gave me a couple of prescription diet pills, and I was going to them on my days off. I did and feel like I'm on speed, this sucks. 😟 Im just biding my time til this wears off.