gundamfury

Right now, I am so very broken hearted. i have never been crushed so badly in years. I have recently found out that the person that I spent most of my recently life with, the person I loved dearly, the person I was so commited to... did not really love me as much as she pretended that she did. Despite everything I did for her, all the times that I was there for her, all the support I gave to her through everything that she needed me there for... she never really loved me. SHE JUST FUCKING USED ME!!!!!! SHE USED ME LIKE THE TOOL THAT I HAD BECOME!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I LET HER USE ME LIKE THAT, BUT EVEN PAST THAT, I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT SHE (OF ALL PEOPLE, SHE...) USED ME!!!! SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON IN YEARS TO MAKE ME CRY, REALLY CRY!!! I CANNOT FORGIVE HER FOR THAT, NOT FOR THE FACT THAT SHE MADE ME CRY, BUT FOR MAKING ME WASTE THOSE TEARS ON HER SO MANY TIMES, WHEN SHE DIDN'T EVEN REALLY CARE ABOUT ME!!! How could she ever do something like this to me, She said that she wanted to get a place together, wake up every day with each other, and sleep with me holding her. But that's all she wanted. That's all she ever wanted me for... security. I WAS HER FUCKING SECURITY BLANKET!!! I MEANT NOTHING MORE TO HER THAN TO BE SOME TOOL FOR HER HER TO USE WHEN SHE WANTED ME, AND ONLY WHEN SHE WANTED ME!!! HOW THE FUCK COULD SHE DO THAT TO ME?!!!!! I LOVED HER WITH EVERY WAKING BREATHE, EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING!!! I always put her needs before my own, anytime she really needed something, I was right there for her. I drove myself into a hole for her. And i didn't think twice about it, BECAUSE I LOVED HER!!! I let myself look like a fool to everyone I know, I let myself because I laughing-stock to the entire world!!! But I didn't care, BECAUSE I LOVED HER!!! But she didn't love me at all. She only loved herself. She did what she wanted with other, behind my back, and made me feel like a horrible person just because I wanted to spend time with my best friends. I don't know how, I don't know when... but YOU ARE GOING TO RECIEVE YOUR KARMA BACK UPON YOU!!! YOU SELFISH BITCH, YOU WILL REALIZE THAT EVERYTHING YOU PUT OUT THERE, REALLY WILL COME BACK TO YOU!!! You won't be able to fake how you really feel anymore, and when it comes back to you, and you are crying for help (sincerely for once), I will be there to give you a towel to dry your tears, and treat your wounds. That is the karma that I want to put out to come back to me. BUT DON'T EVEN BEGIN TO THINK THAT I WILL BE PICKING YOU UP AND CARRYING YOU THROUGH ANYTHING!!! AFTER I HAND YOU THAT TOWEL, YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN, AND I WILL GO BACK TO MY NEW LIFE... WITHOUT YOU!!! There are brighter horizens waiting for me, beyond the pain. But for right now, I hope you are happy that you broke the heart of someone who loved you more than anyone else will. And not telling me anything about this shit, and not letting me know anything about how you really felt makes you a coward. YOU'RE SPINELESS!!!!!