guardian_

My mom's surgery starts tomorrow afternoon. The doctors said it will take around 10 hours to finish everything up and then after 2 months of recovery they will begin the reconstructive surgery. Everyone is on edge now and it's only going to get worse tomorrow. A few people from my mother's side of the family will be coming to stay with us and that's just going to be even more stressful. My grandfather will be coming with his new wife and I can't say I like it. He is one of the most hateful and spiteful men you will ever meet. Plus his new wife is a microbiologist which has made her afraid of germs. I can already tell how stressful it will be once they arrive. I've met my grandfather 3 times in my life and all 3 times we've ended up fighting each other because of him being a total asshole to my entire family. I just hope they leave very very soon after they arrive so that we can all just settle down and help take care of my mom without any distractions or needless arguments.

Last night was the 2nd night in a few weeks where I was finally able to get some real sleep. I've been going on 2 hours of sleep a night for almost a month now. On top of that every night has been filled with vivid nightmares. The nightmares usually consist of being tortured or having flesh ripped from my body and when I wake up I can feel every bit of it for quite some time. I'm tired of being sensitive to my dreams. I wouldn't really have a problem with it if they were good dreams though, but the constant horror filled in my head night after night has been taking it's toll. I've eaten maybe 5 full meals this past month because of it and other than that i've forced myself to eat something small every other day just so I don't pass out from hunger. If it weren't for music, writing, the good people on here, and my bestfriend I think I would have lost it a long time ago.