gtwr

In between Christmas and New Year, I went out in Bristol with 3 of my cousins and had a great time but got very drunk. Unfortunately I sent a drunken text to a good friend saying that I love her. Fortunately she understood and we are still friends, in fact we have communicated a lot more than normal since. However, it will be hard the next time I see her knowing nothing will ever happen between us. I think the sooner I realise I am destined to be single for the rest of my life, the better it will be for me and the people around me and I can be a better friend to everyone.

Also as a friend, I often feel I don't really fit in. I hope this is me just being paranoid, but I see so many of my friends doing stuff together when I only see them every so often. I know it's probably not personal and I do live quite a long way away, but it can get me down, thinking why I am not included.

And before so of you nice people say I shouldn't put myself down, I'm just taking the facts into account. I'm almost 37 years old, I'm not the most attractive bloke around, far from it, I've got a stutter, which can be very bad, I'm socially awkward, not making conversation easily and I've got a joint mortgage with a friend who I have slept with in the past (many many years ago). I have been told I should get out of this situation but that is very difficult. Firstly neither of us can afford to buy each other out. Also I've got a dog and lots of debts which make me renting somewhere else very difficult. So I'm biding my time for that situation but that doesn't make the other things any else of a factor.

But anyway enough of my problems, now it's about looking forward to the future.

I don't make new year's resolutions per se but here's things I am going to try to do in 2010

• Be a better friend and family member. I'm almost 37 and I still rely on my parents for birthday/christmas cards/presents. So from this year, I am going do my best to change that.


• Cut down on my spending dramatically. This is my reduce my debt and so I can start saving for a big holiday- see later in my blog.


• Make sure I continue with Some Kind Of Food Friday. This is something NickyR and mat8drb started last year, going out for a meal on Friday a month. It's one time I do feel like I fit in.


• Get my bike working and start cycling to work. I got a puncture last year and I couldn't fix it and it's been very hard to find a replacement inner tube (the shop that sold me the bike can't get them ). But I will get replacements and start cycling. Which leads me onto


• Try and loose some weight. I wouldn't say I'm obese but I do want to loose some weight just to make me feel better. Unfortunately I find the gym very boring and I get home so late, it's too late for classes. I might try and join a gym close to work

Also, I've decided to go to Australia in a few years time. I have to go in a few years time so I can save both money and holiday. I can bank 5 days a year holiday in work which is useful as I want to go out for at least 4 weeks if not longer. And being the music lover I am, I am going to base it around the Soundwave Festival so it will be around February/March time. Closer to the time, I'll start asking advice on places to go.