Today was a good day. Go into work late to avoid massive overtime. Spent most of it directing and teaching others on what to do (I've found I love teaching others), along with other administrative tasks. But....
But then...I got home. My recent ex had dropped off some stuff of mine. I say recent in that the relationship just ended about a week ago. She broke it off because she decided she needed to be alone to go thru her therapy for depression.
I never saw myself as being one to suffer from depression before this relationship. I've usually found a way out of it on my own. When I was on my own, I'd drink heavily for a few days to a week once or twice every 6 months or so, along with just avoiding all contact with others, and be able to move on from whatever it was.
This one though... this breakup... I paid attention to my past. I noticed my drunken tendencies. I called myself out on my own unhealthy coping mechanisms.
I destroy myself to get over what I just went thru. Now I'm caught between trying to better myself despite this situation, and trying to decimate everything I've become because I was at my best when I was with her; because everything I am now is because she pushed me to be better.