How to begin:
Loneliness eats at me daily. But not hourly. When I'm at work, I'm at work. I'm thinking about what has to be done. Do I need more mulch brought down for the customer? Do I have enough sod for the day? What grass seed are the they going to want tomorrow? How many wheelbarrows will be bought tomorrow? Are the other departments taken care of? What does my schedule look like in 4 weeks?
At home, what am I doing tonight? Meditating? Relaxing? Showering? Contacts? Laundry? Dishes? Dinner? Maybe just a snack because i ate too much today...i like beer. Maybe forgo it all and just drink and smoke hookah to fill my stomach. Who do i have working for me tomorrow? Shi i have (A) and (B) working which I'll have to work extra to make up for it. Oh shit, my mom needed that money sent to her. And my sister is dealing with her boyfriend being a tool. My mom is planning in coming to visit in 3 weeks, and my sister wasn't too visit in 5 weeks. I need to request time off. Who's going to help cover my shifts.
I need to get my license back. I need to get my teeth fixed. I need to check on my heart condition. I need to get my eyes checked. I need time to relax.
I need to find someone to love so that all of this seems like less...
I need help... who will help me?