I need something to get me high...
I don't mean like drugs, well, maybe I do, but not like ganja or anything. I need something to make me cheer up, every Sunday. Every sunday, without fail, I crash. I get horribly depressed every sunday night, to the point where I just want to crawl into my bed and never come out. I've missed a bunch of Monday classes, especially my 9:30 english class, because of it. I can't seem to shake it...sometimes not even till tuesday...part of why I didn't go to Bio at all last Tuesday. I haven't been this depressed in so long, but every time I see my therapist I seem to have just shaken it off long enough for her to say I'm fine and it's normal. Well fuck, it's not normal. I can't stand being this depressed every single Sunday, especially Sunday nights when I'm trying to get my fucking work done. I'm on the verge of tears here, and it's not like I have a really good reason, I just am depressed. No matter how fucking awesome of a weekend I have, Sunday nights are always shitty. I could probably look back through this journal and see every Sunday or Monday entry, and I bet they're all the same: I'm depressed. I can't believe how bad I feel right now. I think I'm going to go take a nap, well, cry myself to bed, and then wake up sometime in the middle of the morning to do my fucking English paper before I go to fucking services for Passover so I can fucking eat tomorrow. I hate Passover and I hate being the first born. It's such royal bullshit to me. If I'm going to have to fast for not going to services, then damnit, so should my brother. My stomach hurts just thinking about it. Fuck, I really swear alot when I'm depressed or pissed off.
Fuck you all if you don't respond...I'm getting so tired of when I write stuff and no one writes back (not on here, most of you rock...other site I'm on, nobody fucking responds to my comments, it's BS)
I'm such an angry person, why can't I at least blame it on being drunk or something?
-Andrew
Edit: I tried to take that nap, but I just sat in my bed for about an hour and a half, awake. I haven't had so many horrible thoughts in my head in a long time, if ever. I started thinking all the different ways out, picturing it in my mind. I came up with so many different scenarios..I was afraid to get out of bed because I thought that if I did, I'd find something to hurt myself with...I'm not writing my paper..not even going to go to class or services tomorrow.. I am going to email my professor (I know him from high school) and explain to him that I'm presently losing my battle and that I understand if he wants to dock me a grade for the paper, I understand. If he wants to give me a zero, that makes sense too. I'm not sure how I feel about school, I'm not sure if it's helping or hurting my problem anymore *sigh* This is going to be a long week.
I don't mean like drugs, well, maybe I do, but not like ganja or anything. I need something to make me cheer up, every Sunday. Every sunday, without fail, I crash. I get horribly depressed every sunday night, to the point where I just want to crawl into my bed and never come out. I've missed a bunch of Monday classes, especially my 9:30 english class, because of it. I can't seem to shake it...sometimes not even till tuesday...part of why I didn't go to Bio at all last Tuesday. I haven't been this depressed in so long, but every time I see my therapist I seem to have just shaken it off long enough for her to say I'm fine and it's normal. Well fuck, it's not normal. I can't stand being this depressed every single Sunday, especially Sunday nights when I'm trying to get my fucking work done. I'm on the verge of tears here, and it's not like I have a really good reason, I just am depressed. No matter how fucking awesome of a weekend I have, Sunday nights are always shitty. I could probably look back through this journal and see every Sunday or Monday entry, and I bet they're all the same: I'm depressed. I can't believe how bad I feel right now. I think I'm going to go take a nap, well, cry myself to bed, and then wake up sometime in the middle of the morning to do my fucking English paper before I go to fucking services for Passover so I can fucking eat tomorrow. I hate Passover and I hate being the first born. It's such royal bullshit to me. If I'm going to have to fast for not going to services, then damnit, so should my brother. My stomach hurts just thinking about it. Fuck, I really swear alot when I'm depressed or pissed off.
Fuck you all if you don't respond...I'm getting so tired of when I write stuff and no one writes back (not on here, most of you rock...other site I'm on, nobody fucking responds to my comments, it's BS)
I'm such an angry person, why can't I at least blame it on being drunk or something?
-Andrew
Edit: I tried to take that nap, but I just sat in my bed for about an hour and a half, awake. I haven't had so many horrible thoughts in my head in a long time, if ever. I started thinking all the different ways out, picturing it in my mind. I came up with so many different scenarios..I was afraid to get out of bed because I thought that if I did, I'd find something to hurt myself with...I'm not writing my paper..not even going to go to class or services tomorrow.. I am going to email my professor (I know him from high school) and explain to him that I'm presently losing my battle and that I understand if he wants to dock me a grade for the paper, I understand. If he wants to give me a zero, that makes sense too. I'm not sure how I feel about school, I'm not sure if it's helping or hurting my problem anymore *sigh* This is going to be a long week.
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(that game won me $50)
I'd give you a big hug if I could