greybush

Well that didn't work.

I somehow managed to spend new years eve alone, again.
To make it better, the girl I care about more than anything in the world left me.

I"m not eating or sleeping.

I don't know what to do.

I'm a mess & its not getting any better.

I can't believe another has ended. I think it seems so long now because so damn much has happened. In the past 2 years I've lost:

My grandmother
My Dog
My Car
My job (of 9 years)

They say its a clean slate & that everything can change on a new years day.


Fingers crossed.

Two more days.. I can make it.

Ahhhh Christmas, what a glorious time to be working retail.

I'm gonna need therapy after all this is done!

Today is gonna be a better day.
It has to be.

I,ve decided that I'm taking a vacation from the human race today, come hell or high water.

My phone is turned off & i'm gonna install Windows 7, so my computer will be offline too for awhile.

Gonna make a pot of coffee, listen to records & read while I wait.
I think today will be a good day.

Nothing makes sense anymore & I hate it.

Why do I have to be constantly frustrated?
The worst part is that I blame myself.



I think I need a vacation.

It all happens so quickly.

Everything changes in that one little moment. It seems like it takes forever.

Time & sound have no effect, they're inconsquential.

All it takes is a few little words and everything changes forever.

Why do I do the things that I do? I really wish I could answer that.

Oh well.
Tonight I'm really not in any mood to be putting alot of thought into that question....

I think that I need some positivity in my life. Like really.
And maybe a bit more in my posts.
And pictures.

Yeah, Thats the ticket, more pictures.

Watch this space.

I love how the happiness of everyone in my life is dependant on me.

Like really, you've gotta be kidding me. On a good day I can't get my own shit together, how in the world am I supposed to be responsible for all of theirs?

At my age, I really shouldn't be dealing with this kinda crap on a regular basis, should I?

Hmmm.
Don't want to get outta bed today.

Don't think I will..

Do any of us ever really change?

I don't mean our hair or our clothes, Im talking about deep down, in the core of who we are.

Can we truly cast off our sins?
Dare we hope for the ghosts of the past to stay dead?

I'd like to think we can. If not, where can we possibly we go from here?