grendel

I want to grow some. Seems like a good quarantine project. I live in Texas so I think the growing season would accommodate. Now I just need to find the actual plants. I would love to grow some ghosts or reapers, but I think I'd have a harder time finding the plants. Maybe just some habaneros for now. I need to make this happen.

It's funny. I can feel my mental health declining steadily every day. I don't really feel like I can talk to anyone about how I actually feel for fear of giving them listener's fatigue. The new brewery I'm working on is progressing but there's literally nothing I can do to make any of the trades guys work faster. I'm beholden to them in a way...
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What a strange time. Broke up with the woman who I started dating the first of the year. It just got weird and too physical too quickly. I'm such an emotional connection kind of person that if it's physical right off the bat it's probably not going to work for me. I'm much more attracted to someone's brains than I am their body.

I miss...
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The blog posts here have been pretty negative. Thought I'd take time to share some positive things. Construction is progressing on the brewery I'm opening with some partners. We've got a projected opening date of late April to early May. That feels good. I've made enough extra money from my little side-hustle gig that I was able to finally afford a tattoo that I've wanted...
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Divorce got finalized today. I'm kind of wrecked. What was once a nice bright path forward now seems dark and murky and I don't know if I have the will to keep on walking. All of this just sucks.

I have a Master's Degree in Entomology and worked at one of the most prestigious honey bee labs in the world for almost 15 years. I was at the top of my game and was either the author or co-author on several papers that are still being cited in research literature today. I loved my job, but wasn't in love with my job.

My girlfriend...
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I've been on several dates ofver the past couple of weeks. Some very good, some very bad. There are aspects of dating that are appealing, mystery and discovery and all that goes into getting to know someone new, but damned if I don't just prefer intimacy. Disingenuity is so fucking gross, and it's so rare to go on a date and not have any masks...
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I feel so disconnected from everything right now. Disconnected from my person who is no longer my person. Disconnected from my job. Just gave notice with very little idea of what's next. Disconnected from humanity. Disconnected from fucking everything. I feel like a balloon floating on a long string and I can't see what's tethering me to the ground, but I wish it would just...
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I've joined dating sites, I miss my wife, and I haven't had sex since March. I'm not the biggest fan of my life right now.

Gave notice at my current job. The two owners of the place both started to cry. I felt bad, but it's time to move on. A brewery project I've had in the works for a couple of years is finally coming to fruition and that feels really good. I'll finally be an actual brewery owner.

This is a massive transition period for me. I don't...
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Another in a long list of things I thought I'd given up but find myself revisiting... I had/have an art blog on tumblr that I've been curating for coming up on 10 years now. I've neglected it for a little while, but I think I need that kind of outlet again.

Check it out if you'd like.

paganlovefest.tumblr.com

Weird fucking day today. Right before Halloween my wife asked me for a divorce unexpectedly. A few weeks later she tells me she started dating again. Tells me I should start dating too. It'll make the whole thing easier. I'm not really into that, but I figured it would give me something to do other than sit at home not wanting a divorce. Joined a...
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