TUESDAY AUGUST 16 2005 10:36 PM
dear kitties & fellow whiney anonymitaunts,
boy, it has been a long time since i have been here...again...i can't beleive hw many people have actually left messages for me from last time-it was a big surprise and made me feel a little warm n' furry on top of feeling a little bad for not answering anyone, on account of assuming there wern't to be any to answer to. well, i reckon i've done you all a service tho by not updating my journal, at least over the past 3 or 4 months, but incase any a you are curious suffice it for me to summerize quickly as possible:
May: "Waaahhh, i hate crushes sooo much. the only thing they are ever good for is getting over previous crushes, in which case all you end up with is some stupid new unreqitted crush to get over with by some other stupid new crush."
June: "Waaahhh, you know, the only thing worse than having a stupid crush is having one on you're freaking english proffessor who you can hardly talk to 'cause your swetting forim so much, and when you actually DO think of some piddly-ass little question to ask him all he does is give you some yes or no kind of brush off answer without even hardly looking at you or nothing."
July: "Waaahhh, okay, i feel pathetic at this point, i have the serious hots for my freaking I]proffessor for cripe's sake, and even tho i seem to be getting good feedback on my assignments he still hardly says anything wheneveri ask him about anything, which is hardly ever, 'cause i hardly talk to anyone let alone people i have crushes on, let alone people i have crushes on who also happen to be pretty hot older college proffs, etc. ..
August: "sniff...well, okay, finally my somester is over with...i got nowhere with mr. professor of rebellious literature and i can finally forget about him by way of...ah FUCK, not another crush!? FUCK FUCK FUCK
okay so i don't actually have any new crush to speak of yet, of course if i start dropping by this place on a regular basis that'll probably change and end up messing with my head all over again...needless to say, kitties, i am a wee little despondent as of late. i am pretty much done with school for the long time being, which normally i would be ecstatic about, except that after 2 years or whatever of taking poli sci-this and whatever-the-fuck 101 i have discovered none much more than that i am a dilletante, sort of good at alot but not alot good at anything in particular. so the last thing i want to do is to go onto university which had been the plan...not only do i cringe at the thought of jumping through invisible hoops of academia & its requisite bureaucraptic loans for 2 more years, i couldn't even if i wanted to 'cause i dropped a class last somester which is a very big no-no if you're on student loan.
To be honest though, i couldn't really care less about school, that is not what's bothering me so much. It's more like how school has ended up making me feel, which is like some verbally retarded, intellectually disembodied alien of sorts, fearing that i may not be young enough anymore to "grow out of it."
On the other hand, i'd really like to not end this on a sour note, since it's been such a while that i've been here last, so i'll do my best to snap the hell out of it. Really i just wanted to vent a little.
Thanks to anyone who is still actually reading this, for your tea & sympathy. i really do appreciate all of you who have been leaving messages on my page, even tho i have been too busy leaving my head up my ass to talk to anyone. as i said, i am trying to snap the hell out of it. 
we'll see how it goes. 
keep passing those open windows
dear kitties & fellow whiney anonymitaunts,
boy, it has been a long time since i have been here...again...i can't beleive hw many people have actually left messages for me from last time-it was a big surprise and made me feel a little warm n' furry on top of feeling a little bad for not answering anyone, on account of assuming there wern't to be any to answer to. well, i reckon i've done you all a service tho by not updating my journal, at least over the past 3 or 4 months, but incase any a you are curious suffice it for me to summerize quickly as possible:
May: "Waaahhh, i hate crushes sooo much. the only thing they are ever good for is getting over previous crushes, in which case all you end up with is some stupid new unreqitted crush to get over with by some other stupid new crush."
June: "Waaahhh, you know, the only thing worse than having a stupid crush is having one on you're freaking english proffessor who you can hardly talk to 'cause your swetting forim so much, and when you actually DO think of some piddly-ass little question to ask him all he does is give you some yes or no kind of brush off answer without even hardly looking at you or nothing."
July: "Waaahhh, okay, i feel pathetic at this point, i have the serious hots for my freaking I]proffessor for cripe's sake, and even tho i seem to be getting good feedback on my assignments he still hardly says anything wheneveri ask him about anything, which is hardly ever, 'cause i hardly talk to anyone let alone people i have crushes on, let alone people i have crushes on who also happen to be pretty hot older college proffs, etc. ..
August: "sniff...well, okay, finally my somester is over with...i got nowhere with mr. professor of rebellious literature and i can finally forget about him by way of...ah FUCK, not another crush!? FUCK FUCK FUCK
okay so i don't actually have any new crush to speak of yet, of course if i start dropping by this place on a regular basis that'll probably change and end up messing with my head all over again...needless to say, kitties, i am a wee little despondent as of late. i am pretty much done with school for the long time being, which normally i would be ecstatic about, except that after 2 years or whatever of taking poli sci-this and whatever-the-fuck 101 i have discovered none much more than that i am a dilletante, sort of good at alot but not alot good at anything in particular. so the last thing i want to do is to go onto university which had been the plan...not only do i cringe at the thought of jumping through invisible hoops of academia & its requisite bureaucraptic loans for 2 more years, i couldn't even if i wanted to 'cause i dropped a class last somester which is a very big no-no if you're on student loan.
To be honest though, i couldn't really care less about school, that is not what's bothering me so much. It's more like how school has ended up making me feel, which is like some verbally retarded, intellectually disembodied alien of sorts, fearing that i may not be young enough anymore to "grow out of it."
On the other hand, i'd really like to not end this on a sour note, since it's been such a while that i've been here last, so i'll do my best to snap the hell out of it. Really i just wanted to vent a little.
Thanks to anyone who is still actually reading this, for your tea & sympathy. i really do appreciate all of you who have been leaving messages on my page, even tho i have been too busy leaving my head up my ass to talk to anyone. as i said, i am trying to snap the hell out of it. we'll see how it goes.
keep passing those open windows
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
no, but I am pretty sure I DID see you in front of the Shangrila display center about a month ago.