greenxxghostie

hello all you out there in Suicideland.
it is pretty early in the morning, like 530. i usually have been staying up thruout most nights. i am a nite person regularly, but now even more 'cause i go to school at nite now which suits me much better than in the day. it's hard to think of stuff to say when i've been away from this page again for so long. i have been a bit blocked with some stuff for the past month or so, but i don't think it's been too bad. mostly i have been trying to focus on shcool and all, been playing music as usual, thinking of all the people i should really be calling.
some of them have called me tho this past week, so i managed to pull my head outta my ass for at least a couple of hours to talk with them. iam such a social retard though, it is amazing that i have friends at all. i think i may be way too preoccupied...sometimes i feel like i am walking through life in some kind of trance. preoccupied and distracted at the same time.
i think i freaking love biology, sort of! it's really really hard and i sure have to study the hell out of this stuff but boy, it is fascinating when i actually get it. and even more, it kind of facinates me that i do get it, sort of. anyways, i just had my first midterm for it last week and i think i did not too bad on it. alot of it is all like, the chemical context of life, the atomic interplay and structure of matter, why water is so fucking amazing, that kind of stuff. i've never been good with sciences before, but i've been putting alot of effort into learning it now.
there are some pretty cute people at school this somester.
i forgot how much fun it can be to just have crushes on people. that dickhead i mentioned in my last entry took up alot of my energy for a while, well he was very needy but not too positive, i'd known him for about 4 or 5 years but we became more for about 6 months, 'cause he was pretty down and out and i thought i could help him. i guess i did, but to make a long story short, i don't know now that he was worth the effort. anyways, i've been feeling quite fucked up and drained for the past long while, but it seems like things have been lightening up around the edges. it's nice to meet cool people (not cool as in like, hip, but you know, just that they are intersting and worth knowing), they remind me of how much more is out there.
i was playing my guitar to the Reverend the other nite, on my stratocaster, and it occured to me that my guitar kind of feels like an outward manifestation of my inner penis. it sure is fun to strum, i teel ya!