I took mom and the woman who has known my mother since before I was born to the airport today. We had to get up at 4:15AM and it was very cold. I'm in this really weird state, lately-- I'm not sure what it is, but for some reason I miss my mother so much. I see her nearly every week! So this trip to New York (for her 50th birthday--January 19) shouldn't make anything different besides the fact that she wont be there on Sunday when the boy and I come to do laundry.
My dad called me this evening while I was sitting in the livingroom with my roommate, talking about some dvd player or something I couldn't recall. But then the conversation got strange... he said he had had a feeling that my grandfather may die. Just like the feeling he had before my grandmother did. (both Mom's side...) And he had been the one to most urgently tell her that she should go see her mom, and not put it off for another few weeks just because we didn't have the money. And I mean, my grandmother died two weeks after my mom got back!
My grandfather has done a horrible thing, a secret I learned...last year? But I'm not sure I'm ready for him to die. For so much of my life I didn't know the secret and I loved him unconditionally and then for a while that love turned to hate and now I'm not sure where I am with it.
I'm ill again, third time since Thanksgiving. I can't help but think it's this negative energy.
My dad called me this evening while I was sitting in the livingroom with my roommate, talking about some dvd player or something I couldn't recall. But then the conversation got strange... he said he had had a feeling that my grandfather may die. Just like the feeling he had before my grandmother did. (both Mom's side...) And he had been the one to most urgently tell her that she should go see her mom, and not put it off for another few weeks just because we didn't have the money. And I mean, my grandmother died two weeks after my mom got back!
My grandfather has done a horrible thing, a secret I learned...last year? But I'm not sure I'm ready for him to die. For so much of my life I didn't know the secret and I loved him unconditionally and then for a while that love turned to hate and now I'm not sure where I am with it.
I'm ill again, third time since Thanksgiving. I can't help but think it's this negative energy.
pistolita:
You're probably right darling. I mean... it started with the thought.. that your grandfather was going to die. And if people are believing it, and you're all constantly thinking.. "my grandfather is going to die", and if he believes it too.. it will most certainly get to that point. But you can stop it! It sounds like you have a lot of powerful good energy. You say that you love him so much and arent ready for him to go. I don't know what the secret is, but maybe to clear out all the bad energy, you should talk to him, or someone to clear the air.