Well its back to the real world after holidays this year. Went to Cuba over New Years and it was awesome. Went with my fam and had a blast. Got smashed off my face in the nice warm sun. Not much fun coming back to snow and winter after that. But life goes on.
Just tryint to keep my mind busy tonight and spirits high after a very depressing phone call from my ex. I miss her so much but Im trying to move on with my life and find love with someone new. I decided to send my ex an email after we talked telling her that I can't go on maintaining communications with her and it broke my heart. She has caused me so much pain and loss that somedays I find it hard to go on. It's not fair to me, its not fair to the person I've been starting to try to get serious with if i'm havin messed up thoughts about someone else.
Just fucked me up tonight because I felt like I was dumping someone when I wrote my EX telling her I can't keep in touch any more. How the fuck is that fair?! She ripped my heart out and dragged things out into the most devastating break up of my life. It was dragged out for MONTHS. Shed keep callin me cryin about how much she missed and loved me but then would tell me she didn't want to be with me. She was still pulling the same shit in emails. Its been since the spring. She told me 2 days before my 29th birthday that she didn't know what she wanted.
I'm just tired and focusing my energy on wanting to destroy my world instead of rebuilding it. I needed to make a clean break that she couldn't. Well fuck her, maybe she'll feel a fraction of the hurt I've been through over almost a year now. I still love her and always will but its time to put out hopes. Time to put away the dreams, memories and tears. Time to make a new life for myself. Its not fair to either of us anymore. Theres nothing left but deep scars and a terrible emptyness when we talk. I know she still loves me and thats what makes it so fucked up and confusing to me.
Every letter I've gotten from her is thick with emotional out pouring for how much she misses me, how shity life is without me, how much i meant to her and yet she won't come back because she may want to go teach english over seas for a year.... She just can't get her head past things that haven't even happened yet. So I'm done. Over and out.
I don't want to see her face when I hear a sad song, I want to see a new face when i hear a happy one. The face of an old friend who has helped me through alot of this. Who has become more then just a friend. Shes makes me happy again. So here I am just trying to purge whats left of my nights hurt.
I just want to be stronger, Be happy, Like my life. I think I;ve made a smart first step.
I pray this year is better. I can't do this again
Just tryint to keep my mind busy tonight and spirits high after a very depressing phone call from my ex. I miss her so much but Im trying to move on with my life and find love with someone new. I decided to send my ex an email after we talked telling her that I can't go on maintaining communications with her and it broke my heart. She has caused me so much pain and loss that somedays I find it hard to go on. It's not fair to me, its not fair to the person I've been starting to try to get serious with if i'm havin messed up thoughts about someone else.
Just fucked me up tonight because I felt like I was dumping someone when I wrote my EX telling her I can't keep in touch any more. How the fuck is that fair?! She ripped my heart out and dragged things out into the most devastating break up of my life. It was dragged out for MONTHS. Shed keep callin me cryin about how much she missed and loved me but then would tell me she didn't want to be with me. She was still pulling the same shit in emails. Its been since the spring. She told me 2 days before my 29th birthday that she didn't know what she wanted.
I'm just tired and focusing my energy on wanting to destroy my world instead of rebuilding it. I needed to make a clean break that she couldn't. Well fuck her, maybe she'll feel a fraction of the hurt I've been through over almost a year now. I still love her and always will but its time to put out hopes. Time to put away the dreams, memories and tears. Time to make a new life for myself. Its not fair to either of us anymore. Theres nothing left but deep scars and a terrible emptyness when we talk. I know she still loves me and thats what makes it so fucked up and confusing to me.
Every letter I've gotten from her is thick with emotional out pouring for how much she misses me, how shity life is without me, how much i meant to her and yet she won't come back because she may want to go teach english over seas for a year.... She just can't get her head past things that haven't even happened yet. So I'm done. Over and out.
I don't want to see her face when I hear a sad song, I want to see a new face when i hear a happy one. The face of an old friend who has helped me through alot of this. Who has become more then just a friend. Shes makes me happy again. So here I am just trying to purge whats left of my nights hurt.
I just want to be stronger, Be happy, Like my life. I think I;ve made a smart first step.
I pray this year is better. I can't do this again