Years ago, I drove off a cliff and fell over 100 feet onto a steep embankment which caused the car to roll. And it kept rolling until finally it hit a tree large enough to stop it. The seat belt had snapped and the airbags failed, so I was like a ragdoll throughout the experience. Eventually I was admitted to a treatment center for traumatic brain injuries. The absence of memories was frustrating, but the kicker was that I was told the part of my brain that regulates dopamine and serotonin was "severly damaged" and wasn't functioning.
I doubt I could've imagined what life could be like incapable of feeling joy, for the most part...but that's where I ended up. Had zero interest in sex, listening to music or even something as simple as playing video games. I didn't enjoy shit.
Instead of committing suicide (my family is religious), I tried whatever I could to feel some semblance of being alive...meth, cocaine, crack, shit loads of opiates and MDMA ultimately didn't make me feel better...but I found an obscure drug that fucking worked, for reasons I don't understand, and it made me feel manic, and finally alive.
Music sounded amazing, and I was introduced to suicidegirls around 2013...and when I get lit one of my favorite things to do is browse the photos on here, that suddenly appear so fucking beautiful...and I'm always in awe of the images I see on my screen. Yeah, some girlfriends found it to be an odd hobby, but nevertheless some of you have helped me feel borderline euphoric.
I doubt anyone will read this, but at the moment I'm high as fuck and life is ok. Thank you for being the people responsible for reminding me that unspeakable beauty exists in the world.
I'm out...