What a difference a day makes....
I don't know what to say here.
....stares at *blink* blink* blink* of the cursor for nearly an hour.... ( which isn't too difficult to do. Did you know that women who are on the pill blink faster then women who aren't? It's true. Ask Men's Health Magazine.)
*deep breath*
So....
I spent the better half of my day yesterday crying, screaming, begging, pleading, coaxing...pretty much doing everything I had in me to change a decision that was taken out of my power. What I had just wasn't enough.
Today I woke up disoriented. I lay there for a minute or two with my eyes closed pleading with the Goddess to make this all be just a bad dream. It wasn't.
Now I feel this numbness creeping into my body. I feel so...so...calm. Too calm for having gone through everything I did last night. I imagine I will be feeling alot of things over the next few days.
I started taking my medication again. I know I said that it wasn't an option, but I was wrong. It is the ONLY option.
Because I am use to feeing such high-highs and low-lows off my medication, when I am on it there comes a sense of floating though life. The real life hurts too much now, so this is a welcome escape.
Despite everything that happened...despite the fact that everything in my life is hanging in balance...despite the fact that I am at a crossroads and have no control over what direction my life may be propelled...I am certain of one thing: It took me a long time to find a love like this and I can't give up on it. I have hope in my heart and I am hanging onto it with everything I have. I LOVE.
I don't know what to say here.
....stares at *blink* blink* blink* of the cursor for nearly an hour.... ( which isn't too difficult to do. Did you know that women who are on the pill blink faster then women who aren't? It's true. Ask Men's Health Magazine.)
*deep breath*
So....
I spent the better half of my day yesterday crying, screaming, begging, pleading, coaxing...pretty much doing everything I had in me to change a decision that was taken out of my power. What I had just wasn't enough.
Today I woke up disoriented. I lay there for a minute or two with my eyes closed pleading with the Goddess to make this all be just a bad dream. It wasn't.
Now I feel this numbness creeping into my body. I feel so...so...calm. Too calm for having gone through everything I did last night. I imagine I will be feeling alot of things over the next few days.
I started taking my medication again. I know I said that it wasn't an option, but I was wrong. It is the ONLY option.
Because I am use to feeing such high-highs and low-lows off my medication, when I am on it there comes a sense of floating though life. The real life hurts too much now, so this is a welcome escape.
Despite everything that happened...despite the fact that everything in my life is hanging in balance...despite the fact that I am at a crossroads and have no control over what direction my life may be propelled...I am certain of one thing: It took me a long time to find a love like this and I can't give up on it. I have hope in my heart and I am hanging onto it with everything I have. I LOVE.
gone72:
Good for you. Hang on to it, because if you lose it you end up like me, who is floating through life in a numbness that isn't drug induced.