I give up on boys again.
I figured this time around if i did sleep with him i would have a chance at a relationship...i thought thats what i did wrong last time... i keep trying to figure out what the fuck i do wrong to make these boys run? the thing is.. i just cant seem to convince myself that its not me...its them. my head says that and i want to believe it but i dont feel like that.. i feel dirty and used and hurt and that id like to bleed myself dry in the bathtub. useless, alone, etc, all those wonderful things you feel when no one gives a shit about you....or you think that in your head.
its the thoughts like this that make boys think girls are insane. we are.
your either too needy, too high maintenance or too crazy right? if you dont take the hint when they dont call you back your nuts cause you cant just move on....but if they just forgot to call you back like always than you flip out about it cause you think somethings wrong your nuts. but dont worry about it and then you cant take the hint .. get me? sorry i need people too do what they say. if you say you'll call me back, fucking do it.
this is a reoccurring theme in my life.. Friendships, relationships, etc.. you know, i fuckin state it up front. i tell people i need that. i tell people what i expect. i tell people i wig out if they dont call me back because i infer things.. people tell me i over react..but i end up being right.
i'm a woman, i have intuition and i know when your avoiding my call...i know when something is wierd..just be honest. its the easiest thing..its also less painful than just ignoring me. its not like i call 500 times a day. once, every other or so..
im in a lab at school. just finished my genetics...two weeks worth of labs in one day.. yes kids, i'm fuckin smart. i'm beautiful, i'm motivated, and a wonderful caring person who cant get other people to understand that.....instead all they see is a one night stand and a girl to whine too about how broken hearted theyve been in the past..and how their x's are all nuts and used them for money, sex, drugs, tattoos, and how they were going to marry them but now the girl fucked them over so bad they cant trust anyone.... well shit. i think im feeling the same fucking way.
i dont wanna hear how your so jaded that you cant trust anyone... dont tell me how great it is to just hangout and hold me when you dont want to do anything but fuck me. dont tell me beautiful stories you know girls like to hear when you cant have a relationship...its false hope and its not fair. if all you need or want is some ass just say so. dont lead me on.
damnit if i continue on this tangent i wont go to class. i have 5 minutes to get there so this will have to be continued later when i have TIME TO GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR SORRY MOTHER FUCKIN PROBLEMS YOU SELFCENTERED WHINEY PUSSY WHIPPED BITCHES WHO CANT DEAL WITH YOUR OWN FUCKING EMOTIONS BECAUSE YOUR TOO FUCKING SCARED OF GETTING HURT AGAIN!!!! GET OVER IT!
::edited for more clarification after class::
part of loving is putting your self at risk...correct?
in order to build a relationship with anyone, (this encompasses all aspects of relationships, from work too the big M) you have to trust them. trust must be built a little at a time by opening yourself up too another through communication and risk taking. its an exchange of emotion that involves potential losses and gains that creates trust between two people.
with that said... if one person is unwilling to give anything in that exchange than there is no transaction occurring and there for no trust being accrued.
if there is a failed transaction there is also a withdraw taken from that trust between two people and there is less than their was before.
Its a simple concept. Why doesnt anyone get it?
I figured this time around if i did sleep with him i would have a chance at a relationship...i thought thats what i did wrong last time... i keep trying to figure out what the fuck i do wrong to make these boys run? the thing is.. i just cant seem to convince myself that its not me...its them. my head says that and i want to believe it but i dont feel like that.. i feel dirty and used and hurt and that id like to bleed myself dry in the bathtub. useless, alone, etc, all those wonderful things you feel when no one gives a shit about you....or you think that in your head.
its the thoughts like this that make boys think girls are insane. we are.
your either too needy, too high maintenance or too crazy right? if you dont take the hint when they dont call you back your nuts cause you cant just move on....but if they just forgot to call you back like always than you flip out about it cause you think somethings wrong your nuts. but dont worry about it and then you cant take the hint .. get me? sorry i need people too do what they say. if you say you'll call me back, fucking do it.
this is a reoccurring theme in my life.. Friendships, relationships, etc.. you know, i fuckin state it up front. i tell people i need that. i tell people what i expect. i tell people i wig out if they dont call me back because i infer things.. people tell me i over react..but i end up being right.
i'm a woman, i have intuition and i know when your avoiding my call...i know when something is wierd..just be honest. its the easiest thing..its also less painful than just ignoring me. its not like i call 500 times a day. once, every other or so..
im in a lab at school. just finished my genetics...two weeks worth of labs in one day.. yes kids, i'm fuckin smart. i'm beautiful, i'm motivated, and a wonderful caring person who cant get other people to understand that.....instead all they see is a one night stand and a girl to whine too about how broken hearted theyve been in the past..and how their x's are all nuts and used them for money, sex, drugs, tattoos, and how they were going to marry them but now the girl fucked them over so bad they cant trust anyone.... well shit. i think im feeling the same fucking way.
i dont wanna hear how your so jaded that you cant trust anyone... dont tell me how great it is to just hangout and hold me when you dont want to do anything but fuck me. dont tell me beautiful stories you know girls like to hear when you cant have a relationship...its false hope and its not fair. if all you need or want is some ass just say so. dont lead me on.
damnit if i continue on this tangent i wont go to class. i have 5 minutes to get there so this will have to be continued later when i have TIME TO GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR SORRY MOTHER FUCKIN PROBLEMS YOU SELFCENTERED WHINEY PUSSY WHIPPED BITCHES WHO CANT DEAL WITH YOUR OWN FUCKING EMOTIONS BECAUSE YOUR TOO FUCKING SCARED OF GETTING HURT AGAIN!!!! GET OVER IT!
::edited for more clarification after class::
part of loving is putting your self at risk...correct?
in order to build a relationship with anyone, (this encompasses all aspects of relationships, from work too the big M) you have to trust them. trust must be built a little at a time by opening yourself up too another through communication and risk taking. its an exchange of emotion that involves potential losses and gains that creates trust between two people.
with that said... if one person is unwilling to give anything in that exchange than there is no transaction occurring and there for no trust being accrued.
if there is a failed transaction there is also a withdraw taken from that trust between two people and there is less than their was before.
Its a simple concept. Why doesnt anyone get it?
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
Sometimes life hurts because Life is trying to mold you. Sometimes it hurts. Things get squeezed and crushed and cut off but you come out stronger. Life is just molding you into the person you need to be so you'll be the person you need to be when "your person" comes along. Stay up. You'll be OK. I'm talking to you as much as I am me right now.