grayblue

-transcript follows-

**** (10:04:02 PM): i dont really want to talk, but i hope that everything is going well with you right now. i hope you are on your way to something that makes you happy.
**** is idle at 11:08:15 PM.
**** signed on at 2:32:21 AM.
grayblueworks (2:34:38 AM): um... hi.
**** (2:36:37 AM): hi
grayblueworks (2:36:57 AM): what you said was surprising. thanks.
**** (2:37:18 AM): yer welcome
**** (2:37:31 AM): i do hope you are doing well
**** (2:37:41 AM): my mother certainly wouldn't say the same
grayblueworks (2:37:54 AM): hehe, i'm sure...
**** (2:37:58 AM): but i do hope everything is going good for you
**** (2:38:16 AM): im sure she still has dreams of bashing your head in with a baseball bat
grayblueworks (2:38:34 AM): wouldn't surprise me.
grayblueworks (2:38:45 AM): how are things for you?
**** (2:38:46 AM): you still at iu?
**** (2:38:53 AM): pretty good
**** (2:39:00 AM): last semester didn't go so well
grayblueworks (2:39:06 AM): yeah. in my last class right now. french of all things.
**** (2:39:23 AM): it was hard to adjust to being back out here
**** (2:39:36 AM): which my parents will soon learn
grayblueworks (2:39:52 AM): understandable..... how so? haven't seen the grades yet?
**** (2:40:00 AM): got a letter today telling me i was on probation because i don't have enough credits
**** (2:40:14 AM): wellesley doesn't generally send parents grades
**** (2:40:36 AM): my parents don't know i dropped two classes and have an incomplete in another
**** (2:40:51 AM): this semester is feeling pretty good
**** (2:41:21 AM): but im worried cuz i know im kinda manic right now and i don't know if ill be able to keep shit up when i come down
**** (2:41:44 AM): but i have a pretty managable schedule
**** (2:42:22 AM): (explains my being up at quarter to three)
grayblueworks (2:43:09 AM): fair enough.
grayblueworks (2:43:48 AM): i'm sorry... i'm just having a few problems dealing with the fact that you're talking to me.
grayblueworks (2:44:00 AM): it's been a bad couple of months.
grayblueworks (2:44:27 AM): and i've been drinking.
**** signed off at 2:44:45 AM.
haveabunny (2:50:37 AM): my moj would have a shitfit if she knew i was talking to you but i dont see any harm
- time elapsed-
grayblueworks (3:08:45 AM): would it be weird for us to just actually talk on the phone?
**** (3:09:23 AM): Talk to you 2morow
**** (3:09:34 AM): Ok
**** (3:10:40 AM): Whatsyer #

and we just spent two hours on the phone. for the first time in two years, she and i talked. and it was good.... kinda weird, but good... i think i'm still gonna go cry for a while though, just because i don't know how to process not hating her... fuck. i really have turned into an emo kid, haven't i?...

fuck, no, i'm not emo. this is just fucked up. in the last three days, the girl who i thought would be able to be my friend through any bullshit breakup is not speaking to me, permanently. yes, permanently, and the ex that i've spent the most time with in my life, who i never thought i'd ever talk to again, all of a sudden, on the first day in a long time that i think about talking to her, makes contact... my world has just undergone a massive paradigm shift, that which is making my head hurt in massive ways... i... i honestly have zero idea of how to deal with any of this.


yeah, i'm gonna go cry.