graciejane

today is a day is a day is a day.....

i have this need to always keep moving. i dont know what it is.. if i am siting watching tv, i am moving in my head... what do i have to do to tomorrow.. ? i am always working on the next day, the next step. well that is shit. why cant i just sit stil and appreciate the quiet. why do i have to feel guilty if i dont do something productive. isn't just breathing and being peaceful productive enough. well apparently not.. i am supposed to be doing nothing right now. that was why i was cut open. but do i? oh no... i have to get up and clean, or write, or paint, or make something... or read a book.. now, these are all good things, and i love doing all of them. but i dont want to feel forced. i want to create because i am moved to create. i sat down to paint today and i wasnt moved. and you can tell by looking at it. grrrrr. so i said fuck it. and kept painting.. still, nothing.. so here i am feeling like hell, wishing that i could be inspired.. i can feel it, its at the tip of my fingertips, but i am just to afraid to grab it..until next time....