Wednesday Feb 04, 2004

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ahh. so much of my existence is written into a journal... so where do i begin.. i was thinking today, as i often do.. is there such a thing as fate? i am curious to hear others opinions about this. i guess one point of view would be that if i believe that there is fate, then damn it, there is.. but if i dont believe in it, then fuck it, who cares.. so many things on this planet are way too confusing.. so why fuck it up anymore thinking that there is a reason for everything to happen. and what about free will? do we even have that? is our life just a series of things that we have no control over, or are we wired to make ourselves? well fuck... i guess that is the point isnt it? to question everything....well if you dont, then you are a complete fucking dolt.. and i feel sorry for you.. well that was a little more negative than i wanted it to be, but hey, what did a little free association writing ever hurt...?dmblover40@yahoo.com
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graciejane:
what am i feeling today.. hell.. isnt that the question that is first thing on your mind in the morning.. i guess one can make or break their day in the first moment they open their eyes.. i woke up today in a very pleasant mood.. good company, diet coke and chocolate covered raisins .... that could make anyones day superb...oh, and of course a good menthol to clear up the sinuses... but now as the day is coming to a close... i ask myself that question again.. and and i am without a solid answer..i am bummed out about my scars from the surgery, i mean they are no big deal, but at the same time they are. they are a reminder that your body is not functioning the way it is supposed to, and someone had to go in there with their hands and minds to fix you..and worst of all i have no memory of the event.. none. and that part is scary. its like, you loose a few hours of you life, and have no recollection of what happened.. well, i guess a lot of people choose to do that every weekend, but i am different.. i like to keep a good watch on what i do..when you spend a lot of time alone, you start to appreciate the people around you a lot more, but at the same time you really start to appreciate yourself.. cuz if you can keep yourself entertained, you must be a hit with real like people.. i have a homework assignment for anyone who reads this, well it may just be gogo, but that works for me.. the assignment is this, tell me the most important thing about yourself..the one thing that makes you who you are.. i am giving myself the same assignment....
good night for now.. ta ta
gogobongo:
That is a very good question. And I bet more people than just me read your journal. What makes me me? I think it is my knowledge of my own individualism and mortality. I think I realized that at a young age. Tht I was me and living in that precise moment. Since then I live in the moment and sometimes it is hard for me to see beyond that. That is why I have been in school for so long, why I lose myself in projects and novels. I live for the moment. It is a good and bad thing. It means that when I am with people I am committed to that conversation or whatever. Some people can be there and not be there, you know? For me, I am mostly always there. What do you think? Can you see that?

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