gotharmy

Ok, so when life hands you lemons you make lemonaid right? But sometimes you dont want lemonaid, sometimes you want the real lemon. Thats kind of how I feel now. Why cant life play fay just once. If your all wondering what the fuck Im talking about, almost 5 years ago something really really bad happened in my life. And it changed everything I believe in. It shook the vary foundations of my life and killed me. And out of the rubble a new person dug himself out of the wreckage and walked away, never to return. And I was ok with that. And since then Ive been holding onto so much anger that it became a part of me. And now 5 years have pasted. So where do I go now. Do I let go of the pain and anger? Ive used it to get where I am today. Will I still be the same if it goes away? Will I return to the old me? NO I WILL NOT. That person was innocent and youthful, he will never return.

But heres the problem, Im at the point now where I can reach my dream. But.......................... (theres always got to be a "but"). If it doesnt work, I would have wasted the past 3 years. And Im not sure if I can handle that. Ive worked so hard and I dont want to get the last door slamed in my face. If that happens everything will be a waste. My time in college, my time in the army, and 7 years of my youth I will never get back. So here I sit at the the last door, waiting to see if I have the nerve to open it.