ALRIGHTY RIGHT then!!! Let's Get Down to Business...Shall We?
I decided to use The "Day In The Life" Pic cause I realized that My entire Life, Especially, each and every day now, Has changed...
It wasn't A Change I was waiting, or expecting to happen as A result of My Mothers Death...But MAN! I WILL tell you that despite the Obvious changes one would expect...I have Discovered that there is OH-SO much, much more...
For Example...I SWEAR when people hear about My Mom's recent Passing...SOOOOooooOOOOooooOOO Many people act so Fuckin' weird...Like I have just contracted Ebola or something...They shy away, stop talking or feeling comfortable...Pretty Much how someone may react if you were casually telling somone about how great your Breast Job worked, and While showing The worst Tit Job to them proudly...They just sorta go "uh...Yeah...UM...Hey! Look at The time! I gotta Fly...Great Boob job...they look just....um, awesome...yeah...I gotta go...yeah."
Yeah...THATS how I feel, Like I just had A Fucked-Up Boob Job, and I am the only one that hasn't noticed that My tit is falling off.
So, That is already A major change right there...MAN! and I thought My Biggest problem was gonna be All my poor friends beggin' for A new Playstation. THAT I would almost prefer (even tho I Fuckin' HATE those infernal devices!)
It is Nice Moving into a New Home, and Decorating it as If Argento met Vincent in the Tunnels of "Confessions of an Opium Eater" and went Bowling, then came back and Decorated together for "Suspiria".
Just to Give You an Idea.
There are Still Boxes to empty, and Posters and Lithographs to Put up, But the new Home is comin along fine...Even got a meager Home theatre sound system...But All-of-A sudden, NOBODY wants to come and watch ANYTHING! My crew cannot look at me in the Face even!
WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH PEOPLE!??!
I mean, when someone dies, they die. It Sucks, and I cry often whenever I think of How I was Thee ONLY one deprived of being able to Touch her while she was still breathing (Hey, even if it was on one of those Lung Pumpers!) But I do NOT go on, and on about it, ESPECIALLY to anybody I consider A Fiend of mine, DAMN! I sure as Hell know that I would Not be into hearin' about somones Grief for an extended period of time...But in the same aspect, I certainly have never even thought twice about How it might make ME feel uncomfortable...Hey, I have always just counted My blessingsin that situation...Even if they DID go on and on about it...But Personally, I just cannot conceive Just WHY the FUCK people get so fuckin' weirded out...Maybe it's Projection?
AHHHHHHHHHHH, as The French Say, "C'est La Vie". and it is True...It IS Life...and I know My Ma would swat me upside the Head if she saw me fall into a bout of complete utter depression over her death. So I am just A tad confused, But I am not gonna sweat over it...People are indeed strange.
So, I suppose Each and Every day Has been changed now...It's amazing just how many things Do when someone that close to you expires, But I know that I am Still One Helluva Gorewhore, and I am going to just Bulldoze Over any Mofo who gets in My way Now...Cause That Old Addage has permeated My very Grey Matter, Just as the 6th sense always promised to do, and I ain't wastin' any more fuckin time on folks who are Fucked by thier own insecurities, Let THEM sit there and shy away at the reality that Death is the Ultimate Stopwatch...When your Time is up...That's All Folks! You didn't get to accomplish what you wanted because of some reson or another? GREAT! That leaves more room on this Fuckin' Rock for ME!
So Hell Yeah! I am Back, I am Bolder, and Yes, Chalk this Experience up in the "Whatever Doesn't Kill You..." folder, and I hope that If anything, you will also learn that each and every one of us has our reason to exist at this point in Time...Just Don't forget about that Stopwatch...
It'll get ya EVERY time!!
OOogaFUCKINBOOooga!
SS
(BTW: TO ALL THE ABOMINABLE APOTHECARY MEMBERS!!! Okay, If You Have not heard about Our Chatroom, and The Meet'n'Greet we are Planning...and you want in on it...Then go and check Out the Topic...It's SO much easier on me to register y'all at one time instead of one by one...*ahem* yeah...So Don't make me do it anymore!!!
)
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MAJOR BLOODY BUMMER ALERT!!!
Okay...
I Just have now 'officially' Have discovered that I have Lost, or should I say, HAD about 1/3 of My Wardrobe...and Other Dandy Doo-Dads!! ALL My Vintage Lingerie and Dressing Gowns...Including Silk Ones and A REALLY Cool Ultra Red and Black Plaid Schoolgal Kilt!!
Methinks EekBay is A good place to replace lost cherished items...Wish Me Luck!! {See what Happens when you are not here to move and overlook the move ?? And The REALLY sad thing? It was ALL just thrown away...Yup...My Landlord 'mistook' the Bags of Clothing that was left nehind was Garbage...Nice, Huh? Anyone know of any other cyber destinations where a gal can use a Credit Card to Procure Lost Vintage Lingerie??
*sigh* Ant Suggestions would be Appreciated...I never was A gal to shop...Except for Horror related items...
VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
well... i wanted to share this with you, Dark Misstress.... Let me know what you think....
i'm sorry
wait --- maybe i shouldn't apologize
these contradictory notions
mix togehter in my mind
at times like these i look into the mirror
and see a strangers eyes
all the old fears flow to the surface
and i feel so small inside
it's not because of you that i am this way
lost
searching
for grace
i wanted to tell you what i was
afraid of
when i reached out to touch
your face
but the words wouldn't come
they were stilll locked away
so i decided to try and tell you here
?maybe it would be easier this way?
i am afraid of the memories that invade
my sleep
that haunt my dreams
and make me awake
the ones where i am dead before i drown
but can still feel the water
weighing me down
where i feel a mans hands close
around my throat
and my consiousness fades like dissapating smoke,
only to awake and feel my knife,
screams muffled to silence, nothing in the night
he told me he'd cut me to pieces
while i was still alive
dissolve my fingerprints, cut off my hands
he wanted me to feel it before i died
he used to drive by the canal
playing on my greatest fear
whisper and yell that i was nothing
laugh at my tears
he told me he'd dump all the pieces
of what had once been me
into the water
in the deepof the night - food for the fish to eat
there'd be no evidence, i'd never be found
people like ME dissappeared all the time
and as much as i hate to admit it
what he said was true,
IF ONLY IN MY MIND
so you see it wasn't you -- i'm still broken
somewhere inside
as much as i try to exorcise
the demons -- they still exist in my life
i'm sorry --
i'm not the person that you'd
thought i'd be,
often i hide behind sex
so that people don't see the real me-
but you
you pushed
got behind the wall
pulled me into the light
well here i am, this is all.
i'm sorry.
i left this in dizntz journal.. as if he didnb't hate me enuff
People always tend to get weirded out when someone passes away. I think its a part of the human nature.
Its either about money or feelings. Sometimes its hard to notice the difference. Isnt it fun when long lost people suddenly appears at funerals. What are they after? ..