I arrived at The Ottawa Airport at 12:30 am To Snow...and A VERY Nasty surprise...I was under The Impression I was going Straight To the Fucking Hospital...That was it...It was like ANYTIME now...My Dad meets Me and We Hugged and Cried...and I suggested we should Get The FUCK to The Hospital...As In NOW!...
He hands me her 20 K Gold Nefertiti Necklace...An Article I have NEVER seen her without...EVER.
I Knew...
I knew I was already too late, And People were already Lying...and this is just the begginning.
I saw My Mother for the First time in 5 years Dead in the Expensive Wood Coffin...I have seen Death...Blue Bodies, 7 days old in Summer Heat, Over Doses, Cocaine Chicken Dances...But I Buckled Upon seeing Her...
She Looked As Though Death Had aged Her 20 some Odd years, for a woman who was to be 55 this First Day Of Spring...I fell unto her...Only close Relatives were allowed to see this...Over 300 of her Co-Workers at The Office she Ran at Carleton U showed up there...And A WHOLE lotta Relatives I don't know...But They Are ALL "So Sorry about My Loss"
Her Body Was Cold, and Hard...and I kissed her many times on cheeks, whilst running my fingers over and through her remaining Hair...I was allowed to snip some...She Was Cremated Last Night....After 8 Hours, of Dealing with all that...I Placed A Lock of My Own...and An Egyptian Prayer in Hieroglyphs I wrote On Papyrus...and Adorned her with The 2 Most Important things....An Ankh, and A Scarab, preferrably The Tourquoise coloured Ones...(The Name besets me at The Moment of the exact stone...There are Many things I cannot find in this brain at the moment...)
I finally allowed them to close The coffin, and they asked us to leave, as we aren't allowed to see the coffin close...(WTF??) and We did so...and I went and promptly slipped two Clonazapams, highest Strength(One 2 mg=2.5 Blue 10mg Valiums), sat in A leather Chair, and took the Onslaught of people...
Everone, or 95% of them having seen her before this happened, when I Last saw her (2000, X Mas.) and She Stopped Allowing Webcam Communication for a Year and A Half Now...I have ALOT of problems with People Being able to have seen and spend time with her...I was lied to, Thinking I was going to see her before the Plug was pulled....But it was already Over...She was Only Breathing, Because A Machine was doing it for her...
I walked in today, sitting here, awaiting The Non-Denonimational Church Chapel In The Castle Like Funeral Home....and The Priest is also An Ex Navy Seal (My Dad was A Marine and went to Nam...Even Our Priest is A Navy Seal) and A Jesuit One at That...
I went into My Mothers room to claim One thing That Was most Definately Mine....Its A 123 Year Old Porcelain, Slightly in need of repair...has only One Eye, Nun Doll...Very Intricate...and Creepy as Fuck...It was ALWAYS My Doll...I was just never allowed to keep it until She Knew I wouldn't pull A 'MAY' or something....I also grabbed her expensive Egyptian Hand Blown Egyptian Oil Bottle....and Then I found Her Pills...100 Dilaudids...#2.....I took those as they were offerd...I walked outta there with A Doll, Dilaudids, and Delicate Egyptian Craftsmanship...That is All I have taken as mine so far...
Oh Yeah....and Its Going To Be A Nasty Struggle...I am not going to say Much...But It Looks Like I am set for quite awhile...Although that has no Fucking Meaning at ALL right now...I am also in the Middle between My sister and Father who both hate eachother...
This is gonna be Harsh...
I shall keep checking...and I will See All My Beloathed At The Abominable Apothecary, Whom I have Left In The Sturdy Hands of apydiagirls, as I am sure EVERYONE would agree, is the most capable...I just hope I don't get re-placed TOO Quickly...I am due Back in Vancouver on the 6th, I do not Have My Cell...As I left it with Ritch....and Deceptiview are chatting...so I will also have them updating to anyone that is interested...
I have to go into this wooden, Gothic Castle Like Chapel, and My Father has already told The Priest...No Collar, and it is being VERY enforced...(He even warned The Priest that I was A Witch...The Priest Replied "I Knew"
I Had My Pent Hidden under My Dress...
I Loathe You All....
SS
Sunday, Feb,20th
Today is My First Fuckin Day Off from People I don'y know Telling Me how Much They Pity Me...
*sigh*
I am doing EVEYTHING for My Mother...And ONLY staying in Check, Outta respect and Love&Loyalty to My Best Firnd, and Now Cremated Mother.
But it is Sunday, She Doesn't get Interred Into The Mauseleum, Where she is being Put into A magnificent Urn, and Placed Behind A Locked, Ornate Glass Door...I Use to Love getting High in those...
So, I just want to say I am so very greatful for ALL the words...I appreciate them...I am only revealing all this, Because I feel I have Not A Shame about My Mother...She was A Pillar of Strength and Beuty....
There is also what I am already aquiring...
The First. and Most Important One being this...
IIf you Look up My Last Name...Which is CHASTENAY in The States...The Minimal Number...are ALL Kin...However....I was led to Something that Not only answered ALOT of Questions and Missing Holes in My Life....But...Many things in My Mind and Soul went off...
I think if you read This, You will see why....
(I Do Not Everyone to Understand...But Lets Just Say, I Have, I ALWAYS Have...But Never, EVER thought My Family Originally Came from THIS...)
Chateau (Du)
CHASTENAY
And This...
History Of The Knights Templar and Chateau Chastenay
My Ancestors were Aristrocrats...Hung Out with The Marquis DeSade...If you Google it...You wil see...
I am also Sporting A new Video Camera, Palm Pilot, Obsidian Dagger...Oh, & All Sorts of Nostalgic Memories...and I am Really Discovering The Positive Aspects to this...NOT The Fuckin Coloured Paper...Screw That...HATE It....But Just Being Home...And Being able to see little things that now mean so much...
I am already Aquainted with A Lawyer....
Its Gonna Get Ugly....
My Father should of Never Taken on Mistresses....
Cause Now...My Sis is Pissed...and I have to Get in The Middle...I HATE this side of People Moving on...
Anyhow...This is becomming an Epic...Just thought I Would Share My Magnificient Answer to A question I never knew existed...The last 250 years...All I knew was We Fought for The South...and My Ancestors were spread out from Vermont, Ohio, and Down through The Appalachians...
I NEVER thought this...
SS
(BTW: To ALL My TAA Friends, or anyone Interested...I have written a Much more, 'Sombre' and 'sedated' Hello to Those of You {And You Know who you are, Remember: I Loathe You!!} Just in case you are Intersted... AND, I Do NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT Expect any type of condolences or pity...I just wanted Y'all To Know Why I wasn't Gracing Your Journals...But I Appreciate Them ALL The Same...)
He hands me her 20 K Gold Nefertiti Necklace...An Article I have NEVER seen her without...EVER.
I Knew...
I knew I was already too late, And People were already Lying...and this is just the begginning.
I saw My Mother for the First time in 5 years Dead in the Expensive Wood Coffin...I have seen Death...Blue Bodies, 7 days old in Summer Heat, Over Doses, Cocaine Chicken Dances...But I Buckled Upon seeing Her...
She Looked As Though Death Had aged Her 20 some Odd years, for a woman who was to be 55 this First Day Of Spring...I fell unto her...Only close Relatives were allowed to see this...Over 300 of her Co-Workers at The Office she Ran at Carleton U showed up there...And A WHOLE lotta Relatives I don't know...But They Are ALL "So Sorry about My Loss"
Her Body Was Cold, and Hard...and I kissed her many times on cheeks, whilst running my fingers over and through her remaining Hair...I was allowed to snip some...She Was Cremated Last Night....After 8 Hours, of Dealing with all that...I Placed A Lock of My Own...and An Egyptian Prayer in Hieroglyphs I wrote On Papyrus...and Adorned her with The 2 Most Important things....An Ankh, and A Scarab, preferrably The Tourquoise coloured Ones...(The Name besets me at The Moment of the exact stone...There are Many things I cannot find in this brain at the moment...)
I finally allowed them to close The coffin, and they asked us to leave, as we aren't allowed to see the coffin close...(WTF??) and We did so...and I went and promptly slipped two Clonazapams, highest Strength(One 2 mg=2.5 Blue 10mg Valiums), sat in A leather Chair, and took the Onslaught of people...
Everone, or 95% of them having seen her before this happened, when I Last saw her (2000, X Mas.) and She Stopped Allowing Webcam Communication for a Year and A Half Now...I have ALOT of problems with People Being able to have seen and spend time with her...I was lied to, Thinking I was going to see her before the Plug was pulled....But it was already Over...She was Only Breathing, Because A Machine was doing it for her...
I walked in today, sitting here, awaiting The Non-Denonimational Church Chapel In The Castle Like Funeral Home....and The Priest is also An Ex Navy Seal (My Dad was A Marine and went to Nam...Even Our Priest is A Navy Seal) and A Jesuit One at That...
I went into My Mothers room to claim One thing That Was most Definately Mine....Its A 123 Year Old Porcelain, Slightly in need of repair...has only One Eye, Nun Doll...Very Intricate...and Creepy as Fuck...It was ALWAYS My Doll...I was just never allowed to keep it until She Knew I wouldn't pull A 'MAY' or something....I also grabbed her expensive Egyptian Hand Blown Egyptian Oil Bottle....and Then I found Her Pills...100 Dilaudids...#2.....I took those as they were offerd...I walked outta there with A Doll, Dilaudids, and Delicate Egyptian Craftsmanship...That is All I have taken as mine so far...
Oh Yeah....and Its Going To Be A Nasty Struggle...I am not going to say Much...But It Looks Like I am set for quite awhile...Although that has no Fucking Meaning at ALL right now...I am also in the Middle between My sister and Father who both hate eachother...
This is gonna be Harsh...
I shall keep checking...and I will See All My Beloathed At The Abominable Apothecary, Whom I have Left In The Sturdy Hands of apydiagirls, as I am sure EVERYONE would agree, is the most capable...I just hope I don't get re-placed TOO Quickly...I am due Back in Vancouver on the 6th, I do not Have My Cell...As I left it with Ritch....and Deceptiview are chatting...so I will also have them updating to anyone that is interested...
I have to go into this wooden, Gothic Castle Like Chapel, and My Father has already told The Priest...No Collar, and it is being VERY enforced...(He even warned The Priest that I was A Witch...The Priest Replied "I Knew"
I Had My Pent Hidden under My Dress...
I Loathe You All....
SS
Sunday, Feb,20th
Today is My First Fuckin Day Off from People I don'y know Telling Me how Much They Pity Me...
*sigh*
I am doing EVEYTHING for My Mother...And ONLY staying in Check, Outta respect and Love&Loyalty to My Best Firnd, and Now Cremated Mother.
But it is Sunday, She Doesn't get Interred Into The Mauseleum, Where she is being Put into A magnificent Urn, and Placed Behind A Locked, Ornate Glass Door...I Use to Love getting High in those...
So, I just want to say I am so very greatful for ALL the words...I appreciate them...I am only revealing all this, Because I feel I have Not A Shame about My Mother...She was A Pillar of Strength and Beuty....
There is also what I am already aquiring...
The First. and Most Important One being this...
IIf you Look up My Last Name...Which is CHASTENAY in The States...The Minimal Number...are ALL Kin...However....I was led to Something that Not only answered ALOT of Questions and Missing Holes in My Life....But...Many things in My Mind and Soul went off...
I think if you read This, You will see why....
(I Do Not Everyone to Understand...But Lets Just Say, I Have, I ALWAYS Have...But Never, EVER thought My Family Originally Came from THIS...)
Chateau (Du)
CHASTENAY
And This...
History Of The Knights Templar and Chateau Chastenay
My Ancestors were Aristrocrats...Hung Out with The Marquis DeSade...If you Google it...You wil see...
I am also Sporting A new Video Camera, Palm Pilot, Obsidian Dagger...Oh, & All Sorts of Nostalgic Memories...and I am Really Discovering The Positive Aspects to this...NOT The Fuckin Coloured Paper...Screw That...HATE It....But Just Being Home...And Being able to see little things that now mean so much...
I am already Aquainted with A Lawyer....
Its Gonna Get Ugly....
My Father should of Never Taken on Mistresses....
Cause Now...My Sis is Pissed...and I have to Get in The Middle...I HATE this side of People Moving on...
Anyhow...This is becomming an Epic...Just thought I Would Share My Magnificient Answer to A question I never knew existed...The last 250 years...All I knew was We Fought for The South...and My Ancestors were spread out from Vermont, Ohio, and Down through The Appalachians...
I NEVER thought this...
SS
(BTW: To ALL My TAA Friends, or anyone Interested...I have written a Much more, 'Sombre' and 'sedated' Hello to Those of You {And You Know who you are, Remember: I Loathe You!!} Just in case you are Intersted... AND, I Do NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT Expect any type of condolences or pity...I just wanted Y'all To Know Why I wasn't Gracing Your Journals...But I Appreciate Them ALL The Same...)
VIEW 25 of 34 COMMENTS
I just wanted to tell you that I sent you a email,
I just wanted to send you a more personal message.
Hang in there!
It's good to know your roots - where you come from,
it can only strengthen your sense of who you are.
If you had kin who stuck around long enough to see the French Revolution it would be interesting to know what side they were on.
I know virtually nothing about my family's history, my Mom's people were from Spain and settled in California when it was still Mexican territory... after that it was all downhill. Just one misfortune after another.
My Dad's family hails from the Philippines, humble folks who barely made ends meet 'till they came to the states via Hawaii in the early 60's.
Now that I think about it, it kind of pisses me off that NO ONE ever bothered to tell me a damn thing in the way of family history. The info that trickled down to me came through eavesdropping on others' conversations. How lame.
Anyway, knowing your roots is definetly a precious possession.
I hesitate to say it's something to be proud of, the way I see it, the only thing you can be proud of is whatever the flip you've built from scratch in your own life...