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...AND HOW I GOT PAID TO BLEED PEOPLE AND WORK WITH DANGEROUS REPTILES FOR MONEY!!!

Good Day Boils and Ghouls!

(Yes, Those ARE Test Tubes Of Glitter I am Holding)

Now I Know How You Guys just LOVE My Epic Journal Entries...So This One is ALL about The Labs I Loved and Worked At, and How I Was Going To become A Mad Scientist (Of Course, If you remember, I talked about my Forays into Labs when I described My Very First One I had Built at Home with Microscopes, Bunsen Burners, Dissection tools, and Mice...) Well...This is About How I ended up working surrounded By Dreamy Test Tubes, Dissected Pigs, and Sexy, Slithering SNAKES!

Her Name Was Mrs.Hoefsmit de-Lint, & She Was THEE Epitome of A 65 yr Old German Frau Biology Teacher on Surgical Steele Knees, whose name struck Mortal Fear as she had the Uncanny Talent of Vocally Holding Pubescent Balls of Boys in her left hand, and Hunks 'o' Hairsprayed Hair from The Girlies in her right. So When The Note went up That A Lab Assistant was needed, I tore that down, stood as straight as possible and walked up and told her I was her gal. All she asked from me was Every Free Moment of My School life...Looking at ALL the 'things' she had in Jars...I signed the agreement in Blood...Literally, As My First Job was to 'prick' every Eighth Graders Finger for a Blood Smear...I was in Love!!
I spent My Lunches preparing The Dissection Stations, Laying whatever What was going to be Dissectied down with care...Fetal Pigs, Frogs, Cow Eyes...You name it...I knew how to set them all up just right...And ALL The Chemicals I Had To Take Care of, All the While, Mrs. Hoefsmit quietly ate her lunch and listened To Wagner or Bach...Her Teeth in A Pyrex Beaker beside her...I LOVED My Job. I was even given 'old' stuff she knew would be used in my own Lab at home...Could A 13 year Old ask for ANYTHING More??

YES!...and Boy, Did I get it!

One Day, Near The end of My second Year working with her...15th B-Day Comin up with The End of The School Year, She told me that since I was off to another school...I therefore had to move on...Of Course I had Known this, I would sit in my lab with aquariums full of either Skinks ( Reptiles), or Crickets (Reptile Food), Depressed That I was Losing My Grasp on The Best Job I could ever have wanted. On The Last Day, Staying True to Her Harsh German demeanor, she simply gave me an envelope, sealed, with "Dr. Rankin: Head Research of Herpetology for The Canadian National Dept. of Sciences" written on it with A phone # and Address.
I Kissed That Nasty German Woman Flat on The Cheek and I think I saw the very first smile On Good Ol Mrs. Hoefsmit de-Lint. I never told anyone tho...Her secret was certainly safe with me.

I arrived At The Address, and Found The Drab Average Brown Sign with The Typical Canadian Government Writing and Canadian Flag emblem on it...Got to A HUGE Door at what looked like A HUGE Office Building Spread Out into A Warehouse size...I noticed a sign with my name on it telling me to "BUZZ" and I would be let in...Doing So...I noticed through ripped pieces of frosted glass plastic sheeting on the windows, Jars and Jars of Bones, Coiled Bodies of eels and snakes, Shelves seemed to line every wall I could see...*BUZZZZZ* The Door Clicked, I opened it and promptly heard a strained quiet mans voice yell "Back This way...Mind The Bones, Please!" I was in A Maze of Metabolic Herpetological Hullaballo...The Walls Covered in Biological Charts of every type of Reptile, The Infamous 'Split-Down-The-Middle' Ones...Old, Yellowed, and OH, So Very colourful still, and Detailed...I was being swallowed by every corner I turned listening for the next instructions...I would turn around every few corners, and realize I was FUCKIN' Lost...Lost In A Myriad Of Magnificence, But Lost just The same...
I Finally Found The Elusive Dr.Rankin, He had One hand on A Coral Snake Milking it, and The Other gesturing to me to grab A Bottle he was pointing at...I was in awe. Pools upon pool of Tortises and Turtles, and The Biggest Frogs and Amphibians I Had EVER seen...And The Glass Aquariums...Oh MY!! SOOOOOOO Many Fuckin Snakes!! And Lizards...Tokay Gecko's sticking to glass and barking at me as I would pass them.
I offered The Envelope along with The Bottle he asked for...He took both, but threw the envelope somewhere into The mess of paper on a desk....
"I am Dr.Rankin, You are Sadie...I am Told You Like Reptiles..Does working with these scare you?
He held the agitated, dripping, open-mouthed Coral Snake at me...I could still see milky liquid dripping down it's bright scales...
"Ummm...Nope...I Love em"
"Not This One you Don't....She Doesn't like ANYONE...Do Ya??" he asked at a dangerously close distance...
"I have her in a safe hold...Can't hurt ya in this hold...Unless you screw up doin this..."
Still holding The Head he carefully raised her tail and in one swift motion, placed her into her terrarium, and closed it in one fluid movement..
"It's ALL In the Wrists...I have been bit MANY times..."
He didn't need to point out The scars...They were quite prominent all over his forearms.
"So..." I began
"What Do You Do? As In What Do I need You to Do Here??"
"Yeah..." I said slightly taken "That."
He Picked Up a small Boa Constrictor...About 4 and a Half Ft from Snout to Tail, I also noticed a huge gash in its belly...and the poor things Intestinal tract was just about falling out
"Oh My...What The...?"
"What Happened to Our Friend Here?"
"Yeah...It doesn't look like a bite..." I surmised
"True...That is because it was not made by another snake...or even another animal, well...that depends on your definition of Animal..." He answered...
"What Did it then??Thats awful!" I asked holding my hand up to cradle its head that was slithering through the air to me.
"Would You Believe A Human? Actually, A Human Driving A Lawnmower over it..."
"Huh?"
"On Purpose" He answered.
"Oh...But Why Wou...."
"Why Would Someone Do This? Accident? Nope...You See, Some people think A Snake is just A Pet that eats mice...and when they finally prove to be more...well, the lucky ones end up alive here...so do alot of the more unfortunate ones...Some people just figure the best thing is to kill em...We get them...Ever Do any Stitches?"
(Did I Lie and Say 'No' because I had indeed done stitches with sutures I would get from my Mother who was a nurse, and I would suture up dissected dead discoveries, Or, should I say Yes and..)
"Is That A Yes??" He said Holding the poor thing..."The Gloves are over there..."

I left That Day with An Incredibly HUGE smile on my face, and a newly sutured nameless Boa in A Pillow case...I named Him "Vincent" (Of Course...) and he was never trusting with Humans again, and I had To Kill His Prey For Him while he healed, and That included taking a Mouse, and simply 'smacking' his head against the corner of a wall...so the smell of death was fresh, yet the mouse was in Death Throes by The time It was slurped down...The Way To Ween A Weakened Snake back onto killing on its own. I had Vincent, and 4 other Terraniums with Snakes and An Ornery Iguana...Considring I was living on my own, I had both frozen, and live fresh mice of every age to be on hand in case I had to bring an unexpected 'patient' home...That is what My Job Progressed to...

But I admit, even though I ALWAYS could find solace in One of The many Labs, Even This Goth Queen at Sixteen began to travel, run afoul with Not A Care or A Rule...It just wasn't fair to keep such a Set up when I was running away to NYC every time I could...I gave it up to a certain Degree, and kept Vincent, and Set ( A 4 year old Python) But I regrettably had to resign my position With Dr.Rankin, Although I left with an Open Invitation to come back anytime..
I Never Did, and The Last I heard from him was during First Year At University, when I applied for A Job in The Biology Dept. and He gave me An Excellent Reference. Too Bad I neglected to tell them after 2 Months of tending to Critters That I was NOT A Biology Student...So Needless to say That was The very last time I was in A real Lab.

I would Own Reptiles again, Now, If I could...But As I Admit...I just Have enough Love For (O)Siris and Ligeia...I will Have Another Snake, Someday...Perhaps Now That I am Moving Out of My Studio, into Half A House, I Just Might...But Only If I can Build it The Terrarium A Large Snake Deserves To Have. I will NEVER Forget How Good A Snake Feels on Naked Skin...
Don't Knock it Till You Have Tried it...You Just May Find it as sensual as I do.
Besides, According To The Chick In "SUSPIRIA"..."All Girlsss who'ss name ssstartss with 'SSSSS' is A SSSNAKE!!!"

Better Than Human, Thats what I sssssay.

(Yep...Another Epic Journal Entry To waste a whole 10 minutes On...It Just may be the Last One for Awhile as I switch Computers...Mighty Thanks To ALL The Lovely Pics and Compliments from Those whom know who they are...)

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