Every day I find it difficult to stay busy enough to keep my mind from going to terrible places, but for the most part I can keep it occupied just enough to keep the thoughts at bay. She left four days before Christmas and went back to her home state where her family and friends are. I’m stuck here, alone, with zero support team and my closest family member is almost 1,500 miles away. They don’t talk to me much anymore anyway I guess. I became the villain in my own story for finally standing up for my own happiness after a lifetime of making everyone else around me happy, sometimes at my own expense. I guess what makes it hardest is the sobering realization that this is really happening dawning on me almost daily. Nine years of marriage, twelve years of being together. That’s a lot of time invested in someone and a lot of memories to process. I’m not even sure why I’m writing this right now... maybe because I don’t have many friends that I trust enough to speak about this situation with? Maybe because I feel like I should talk about it but I don’t know to who? I don’t know. I’m fuckin’ 33 and faced with the daunting reality that dying alone is a real possibility for me now haha it’s that or picking myself up and trying the whole dating thing again I guess. I’m an awkward character for sure... I feel like it would be a lot easier if others were able to see my true character and personality the way that I can see theirs. Being an empath has its benefits I suppose. It also has its disadvantages as well... I tend to love too deeply and care for people that probably don’t deserve it. Anyway... was there any real point to writing this? Probably not. But, if any of you would like to talk or cheer my depressed ass up somehow, by all means, I welcome it. Thanks for letting me ramble on like a madman for a little while.
