gobuildinhell

i think i like the city because i like most places and things, and i like to experience them all as part of the fun of life. seeing what humans have made and done is interesting. contributing is also fulfilling. but i also have lived in nature for long periods of time and really love it too. when i am in suburban environments, or cities that aren't in my list of a select few cities where i can feel alive and magical (feeding on the energy of a million other humans and their emotions and interactions which surround you like a blanket)(nyc and sf really), i feel terrible. generally being in most of the suburban world, middle america, anywhere but sf or nyc, makes me feel upset. something about large cities is comforting though, it's colony feeling, the camradery of space, the true intense overthetopness of mashing yourself into the scene. but i'm flexible and i want to experience most things. i would never have an allegience, to urbanity or to nature, at least in any practical way. conceptually i think humans relate to nature much better. and i know i have been clearer and more aware when living in nature.

it's hard for me to understand your vehemence on this matter. surely having seen it and done it is worthy - not a betrayal of your bloodline or a self desructive thing. sometimes you must do things to learn what you fucking hate doing.

godspeed.