glueberries

so now i believe it's once again my female duty to write an entry proclaiming my hatred for the male gender...but i shall refrain, and instead write an entry proclaiming my stupidity and naivity in the subject that is the male gender.

so apparently, everyone (and i mean everyone) was under the impression that I was his girlfriend...except him.
funny how that happens. I mean, when you spend everyday together (note: by his initiative, not mine), buy things for each other for no reason, TELL the girl that she is your girlfriend, act like a couple, hang out at the house and make dinner, and such other rediculous declarations of relationshipdom, it leaves me no option but to believe that i am in some sort of stable relationship. well, let me be the first to declare: that is not the issue at all. and all of those things, that would lead you and I, or any other sane individual to believe that those were indications of a stable relationship, mean nothing. they are the folly of an insecure, attention-seeking commitmentphobe...and i mean that in the most sincere (heartbroken) sense.
call it hypocracy, call it lying, call it ommission, whatever you choose, but i have been used. harsh as it may sound, but i am not one to beat around the bush, and that is my solemn conclusion. so now i am left with no choice but to "play it cool (play it cool play it cool play it cool...as he would say)", and act like i'm fine. because what do they say? looking good is the best revenge? who cares, I'm too old for these holier-than-thou games, and i really am hurt.
but i suppose he doesn't need to know. its the chase that gets him. the competition. and thinking that he's not wanted. not the center of my attention.

...little does he know he is.

so what if he gives in and I "win"? what the hell am i winning? a useless person who uses girls for the attention? call me ungrateful, but if that's my prize, you can keep it.

now to work on keeping my mind busy, and keeping it off of him. tomorrow will be a great day. the twins' birthday. what fun.



anyway...thinking...to get my birds covered up with bigger ones, and im gonna go see the backpiece casper drew up for me...soon i swear. also the lip/labret piercing issue came up...when i was drunk, nonetheless, but i sobered up eventually and it still seemed like a good idea. surprisingly.

goodnight to all. i hope you're having a more pleasant day.