glamerdork

for the past three weeks i have been moping around feeling sorry for myself. even though I've been sitting on my ass for an extended period of time, I've also been somewhat productive. in the past three weeks i've taken the GRE's, sent out - oh - about 50 or so job applications, and have gone on 2 interviews for positions i really wanted but had little chance at getting. i'm still convinced i've fallen into a state of depression - not adolescent teen-angsty depression, but full-blown, i could give a shit because life is pointless and i don't want to die but i don't really care if i do - sort of depression. then again, i think being fired and sitting around surfing the internet all day can do that to a person. bah. in any case, i've decided i need some more friends. i've got plenty of friends around the country, but few friends locally who i can be myself around. it's the little things, like feeling comfortable talking about how attractive i find another woman (or man) to another person - just being open and being myself, the fuck-the-world self that i (almost) used to be. now, as an 'adult' i feel like everyone is judging me in a different way, and i also have to mold to some sort of standard i'll never fit. it's a lot of pressure and i'm not handling it very well. but i'm hoping that this is just that odd year of transitioning out of college, and once i meet some people in the area, find a job i like and figure out how to support myself, i'll feel independent and therefore happy. or something like that.