Things haven't been the greatest lately.. Like usual, I'll just attempt to stick it out until something that I actually care about comes along. Apathetic towards everything. Everyone. I just don't really see a point in caring most of the time. I just want to wake up and feel good. I just want to feel normal. I just want to care about something. Because I really don't anymore..
I gave my love to someone and he crushed my soul. It's been well over a year but I don't feel the same. I just want to get over this.. It's so strange because I haven't even thought about him in a long time.. But I'm assuming he's with someone else now and it's not that I'm jealous at all. It takes quite a bit to get jealousy to rear it's ugly head, but I just miss being happy. He did make me very happy when we were first together and I'll never forget that feeling. I get drowned in my own thoughts. I miss being happy like that. I miss being free and calm and healthy. It's just not there anymore.
So is life. Someday I'll be back to me. Someday I'll connect inside. I know who I am, but being in this place is slowly but surely breaking me. I just want to live. And forget about my past. And move to the future.
Not to mention the fact that my so called "best friend" has not tried to contact me or return my calls since he's been back in TX.. I have this strange feeling it's because he knows I'm a dancer and he's majoring in religion. I haven't seen him in almost two years so I have no clue what he's like now or what his opinions are about life. It's hard being thrown away like a piece of trash. I feel like I can't even make real friends ever because everyone has ulterior motives and if something makes them uncomfortable, they just give up on someone and block it out of their mind.. It's so easy for people to just give up on someone. I haven't met a genuine person in quite some time. Humanity makes me sick. Maybe that's why I have no friends. Because I actually care about values and friendships more than sex or money. Use me. Use me to help yourself. Use me to make you feel better about yourself. Use me to make money. Use me to benefit YOU.
I gave my love to someone and he crushed my soul. It's been well over a year but I don't feel the same. I just want to get over this.. It's so strange because I haven't even thought about him in a long time.. But I'm assuming he's with someone else now and it's not that I'm jealous at all. It takes quite a bit to get jealousy to rear it's ugly head, but I just miss being happy. He did make me very happy when we were first together and I'll never forget that feeling. I get drowned in my own thoughts. I miss being happy like that. I miss being free and calm and healthy. It's just not there anymore.
So is life. Someday I'll be back to me. Someday I'll connect inside. I know who I am, but being in this place is slowly but surely breaking me. I just want to live. And forget about my past. And move to the future.
Not to mention the fact that my so called "best friend" has not tried to contact me or return my calls since he's been back in TX.. I have this strange feeling it's because he knows I'm a dancer and he's majoring in religion. I haven't seen him in almost two years so I have no clue what he's like now or what his opinions are about life. It's hard being thrown away like a piece of trash. I feel like I can't even make real friends ever because everyone has ulterior motives and if something makes them uncomfortable, they just give up on someone and block it out of their mind.. It's so easy for people to just give up on someone. I haven't met a genuine person in quite some time. Humanity makes me sick. Maybe that's why I have no friends. Because I actually care about values and friendships more than sex or money. Use me. Use me to help yourself. Use me to make you feel better about yourself. Use me to make money. Use me to benefit YOU.
I havent been in touch with that group of people in awhile, so i cannot tell you how your buddy here is doing.
that being said, i am against girls dancing. that is just me. to each their own.
i have always thought of us as friends. there were never ulterior motives, we were just buddies.
and sometimes its good to know that you have those still.
i have never been burned by you, nor have i heard of you burning others, so that being said, you will always have a friend in me, here in Dallas, or wherever i may be.
hope to hear from you sometime.