Ahhh muther fuck!!! I just wrote a long journal entry and of course i messed up and now it's gone.... don't you love computers? I love mine so much I could just fucking throw it out the window...(mutters obscenities....stupid worthess piece of shit.... argh!!!) ok well back to starting from scratch, not like this is a chore, but it sucks when you think you had all your thoughts expressed into words really well, and then all your time and effort is wasted! 
Um k., so anyhow, I was talking on the phone with my best friend tonight and she had a few revelations to share with me... She called me commitment-phobic! I was ready to deny it, and argue when I realized that she's right.
I have only been in love once, and that's with J-----, who I met when I was 16, and dated until I was 18. When I acknowleged that I was in love with him, I felt comfortable and happy, but as soon as I realized that he was completely in love with me and content to be with me indefinately... I started to feel claustrophobic and trapped by our otherwise very happy relationship. This may have been due to my young age, but I told him that I could never be sure he was 'the one' unless I dated alot of people and got a feel for who I was and what qualities I'd want in someone who I'd be with for (hopefully) a big part of my life. I broke up with him and he found someone new, and then we got back together and then he left me for her again, and I have never been in love since. I have dated a couple of losers since then though... People say your first love always holds a special place in your heart and I believe that's true.. I miss him alot sometimes. He is a very happy-go-lucky person who kind of draws you to him magnetically with his positive attitude and his incredible sense of humor. But I'll leave the past where it's buried, all in all I think that everything that happened was for the best. After all being single's the shit right? Right?! Come on humor me! Ok ok it sucks I admit it... but I'm coping well and I'm very independent so it's really not a big deal. I rather enjoy my own company, after all. Ok enough aimless rambling, I pity anyone who actually reads this crap. I am so boring at times. but it is my journal and I don't feel like being entertaining right now... all this has kind of depressed me.
Um k., so anyhow, I was talking on the phone with my best friend tonight and she had a few revelations to share with me... She called me commitment-phobic! I was ready to deny it, and argue when I realized that she's right.
I have only been in love once, and that's with J-----, who I met when I was 16, and dated until I was 18. When I acknowleged that I was in love with him, I felt comfortable and happy, but as soon as I realized that he was completely in love with me and content to be with me indefinately... I started to feel claustrophobic and trapped by our otherwise very happy relationship. This may have been due to my young age, but I told him that I could never be sure he was 'the one' unless I dated alot of people and got a feel for who I was and what qualities I'd want in someone who I'd be with for (hopefully) a big part of my life. I broke up with him and he found someone new, and then we got back together and then he left me for her again, and I have never been in love since. I have dated a couple of losers since then though... People say your first love always holds a special place in your heart and I believe that's true.. I miss him alot sometimes. He is a very happy-go-lucky person who kind of draws you to him magnetically with his positive attitude and his incredible sense of humor. But I'll leave the past where it's buried, all in all I think that everything that happened was for the best. After all being single's the shit right? Right?! Come on humor me! Ok ok it sucks I admit it... but I'm coping well and I'm very independent so it's really not a big deal. I rather enjoy my own company, after all. Ok enough aimless rambling, I pity anyone who actually reads this crap. I am so boring at times. but it is my journal and I don't feel like being entertaining right now... all this has kind of depressed me.
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It is nice to have your exsistence acknowledged, huh?
but yeah i hope it runs ok for you