omfg. What am I doing? I'm a Theologian and a guitar player for Christ's sake. And now, to make the rent, I took a job at some fucking jackass PR firm as their OFFICE MANAGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can barely look at myself in the mirror. What happened to the days of opening for Butt Trumpet one night and Greg Allman the next? What happened to my song on the radio? What happened to mixing Vodka and Vicodin right before a show? What happened to spitting my own blood on the audience?

I'm turning into my own nightmare. An unoriginal buffoon. I reply to every email at work with "Thanks!!!" Notice the 3 exclamation points.

OK, granted, it is a PR firm, so that means it's me, 3 gay guys, and 70 women ranging from 23-50, so I should be on my knees thanking God my environment, but, unfortunately it's work! Jesus help me if I ever get so fucking crazy I should ask one of them out, fuck them, and then have to go to work the next day. Besides that, it's like a "one chance" opportunity. I need to pick the right one. What if I ask one out, and then like a week later, I go to the next cube and ask another one out? In the words of my favorite bartender, Katie, "Dude, like, you would be the BIGGEST douchebag EVER."

And, of course, they all dress in the sexiest "business casual" clothing imaginable. God it's hard to remember to make eye contact when speaking. I even want to fuck my direct report. What a disaster that would be. Granted, she's gorgeous, has the most lovely fucked up teeth, and is a CATHOLIC~!!!!!!!!!! Dream come true, right? But what happens the day after?

I'm the kind of guy who always goes down on the girl first. This is my credo.....if the woman has already orgasmed once or twice, then it doesn't matter if I blow a bit early on the first time. Ladies? Is this correct? On the second time, of course, I can last as long as I need to, but that first time, after being face deep in pussy, it's kind of hard to control since I find cunnilingus so fucking erotic.

Oh, by the way, I found something out that fucks up all my research. In the early Hebrew texts, there is a distinct difference between Lucifer and Satan. Satan was the second after Yaweh (God). Lucifer came later. Those fucking renaissance poets have combined the two, when all historical reference defines them as individual beings, almost benign as far as humans are concerned. It is only the lesser demons that even bother with humans on earth. Mostly they are concerned with souls attempting to reach heaven. Apparently, that is where the real trials begin, hence the advent of the Christian definition of "purgatory" which is too fucking difficult to even try to begin to define in a blog.

I hate theology. I hate my job. Fuck my life. Oh wait, I still like my Ukelele. And my bass guitar. And SG.