ginacherry

This morning when I woke up, you said to me,--- why is it that we spend so much time together? Is it healthy? Is it weird? What the fuck is up with us never being separated? I dont know, I dont care, I am going to keep doing it as long as it feels good..my mind trails sometimes to you when you are old. I think about the way you will look, the face of your grandfather maybe,-- I cant imagine not seeing you everyday for the rest of my life. I get up, I go back to bed, I Cant help it, .your warmth always keeps me going back. I have to study I saywrite some paper. .about a film.and I am tired.. I am tired of learning sometimes and I fear I wont make it. What are we doing? I want to see the world I think to myself, I want to see it with you. On this odd day with typical Seattle clouds, I am without lust--- I give the old bitch a rest for a whileno thoughts in my head of who I want to fuck.these thoughts come in and out .they linger in the corners of my mindslowly seeping when I am bored, inspired or lonelythey happen at the most odd times and I Cant help but think that I am insane.-- I cant be insane though.you ever think that you could recreate something that can only be felt in the flesh? I think about it all the timeit is a weird knack I have for feeling or imagining all that I have not felt before. I tell you about how I never had any boyfriends in high school, .somehow I want to recreate that feelingthat magical feeling you only get once. Pretty pathetic I say to myself,.the impulse is so stronglike the feeling only felt by the smell of a familiar sweet odor of our youths.ooohh..the laundry, the orange blossoms, the first time I smelled colognenot my fathers but the one in the 8th grade at some winter formal deal thingy, dancing slowly with sweaty palms, slow feet and an ugly lacy k-mart dress - those are the things that last forever.these are the things that matterif you could put them all in the safe placetake them awaybring them out when they were neededthen all would be goodall would be solved.instead I mine all these things all these people, even from you sometimeswhen you are not looking, paying attention- because they have always been denied to methey were always denied to meI am sooo fucking pissed about thatI Cant help if my mind runs rampant about all that could have beenand so my words are rich with anger, with lust, with love.you will not find anyone so eager to be so passionateyet so restrained to not loose it allin the event of a foolish gesture in order to satisfy my hungry neglected beast, I will think about all of our time togetherdoing stupid thingslike we always do.getting highfucking all the timethe stupid things that make life tolerable and that make us partners in crime.all those unspoken words only certify what we are slowly starting to acceptits us against the world,..and I love you.