The truth is that I am thinking about it all the fucking time. I can't stop. I try and think about other things....but there I am on the bus, looking...constantly scanning and wondering about it. As long as I can remeber I have alsways been this way, it is not just cause I am that precarious age and in need to reproduce, my body giving me hints, the eggs shrivaling up...the truth is that I have always been this way. Curious, full of wonder, wanting it....from behind, on top, in me ...all over me. The smell, the warmth, it has always appealed to me and sometimes I wish..that on the way home on the 43 up to the hill, the one in the back of the bus, yeah the innocent one with the baseball cap. That white boy with the curious stare, that one would do just fine. Fuck if he is only 19, the younger ones are always so eager to please and I am so eager to teach. Why can't we just lace our fingers together in the back....feel the warmth of your skin on mine....feel the stare...and let it just be that, so in my mind you will always be the one I fell in love with on the 43 ...on the way up the hill....after school in this merciless gray
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