gillette

i haven't had much to say in recent months. five months since my dad died, and i look back to see five months of taking care of my mother, helping her sell her house, sell her stuff, buy a smaller house, deal with suddenly being poor, and through it all, mind-numbing grief.

i've never been a cryer. some women cry a lot, but in the past 35 years, until now, i could count the number of times i shed tears on one hand.

today i only got teary-eyed twice - this was a milestone - i'm looking forward to a day when i don't cry at all, not even silent weeping. the experts on grief say this day comes, and i am waiting for it impatiently.

my kids are freaked out because they've never really seen me cry, my husband is freaked out because he thinks i am going to have a major meltdown of the psychiatric kind.

but - i feel better since i stopped taking wellbutrin - fuck anti-depressants, they just make it harder to feel what you need to feel to get through the tunnel.

i must be feeling better, i am ready to write about what i feel again!