gigabrain

There's a reason i wouldnt answer the first few times you called me today...and why i told you to go to hell when i did finally pick up. You thought it was going to be ok to say im sorry and be friends...how dare you. You really think im going to let you back into my life after you wrecked it.

For 3 months I looked forward to the one measly hour i had on the phone on sundays...the 10 minute rushed phone calls to my parents so i could call you and talk to you...Finding a quiet corner of the room near an outlet so my phone wouldnt die while we talked...the hours spent thinking about getting home to you....and after all that you decide that its ok to leave me....to cheat on me while im halfway across the country from you...where you know i wont be able to get a phone call from our friends that you're out with some guy. Then you think its ok to just write a friggin letter to me, after 3 months of acting like everything is ok....and telling me that the distance and time is too much for you...that you'd found someone else...and you didnt want me to respond to the letter, that you were moving with him somewhere else.

Do you know what that did to me....even the assholes who hated me in the platoon supported me...it took three of them to keep me from packing my things and hopping the fence to get home. My best friend had to take the letter from me and hide it until i calmed down. The drill sergeants gave me a whole day to call people to find out what was going on...and everyone said you had stopped talking to them right after i left...thank god for the next week we were so damn busy...i almost forgot about you until Jesse gave me the letter back and told me that it was time to let go. I finally took your pictures off of my locker door....your 3 pictures out of the 5 i was allowed. You went on the wall with the rest of the women who decided you werent good enough for us....until the last night there when i went outside and tossed your pictures into the bonfire. I still have the letter...folded up in the pocket of my duffel bag. I spent the next 2 months at the next post still depressed...none of my friends followed me there so i didnt have anyone to talk to about it...It STILL hurts. Every day. I'm finally comfortable enough that I'm dating again, and I'll be damned if im gonna let you back into my life and ruin things again. So dont call me, dont email me, text me...nothing. I loved you, i trusted you...i still have the spare ring i bought before graduation for you...with my name on it and the engraving...i was going to give it to you when you came to see me. Instead im keeping it...for someone who WONT treat me like shit. Someone who doesnt care about the distance, who doesnt care that i chose to make myself better, to do what i do. Never call me again.


I hope you rot in hell.