I've decided to start this blog series on SG as for me this website is a bit of a clean slate. I don't have any family or friends who are members (as far as I know) a few years ago I would keep things bottled up but now I feel like I'm able to talk about things better and how I have changed as a person over the past 10/15 years. So here it is the stories of me, some happy, some sad.
Name will be changed to protect the innocent (or not so innocent)
This story begins in the autumn of 2008 I had been living with my grandparents for just over a year I had no job and it was driving my crazy. With what little money I had I would spend a couple of hours a week at the internet café in town. I had been on Facebook for a few months and started using a kind of speed dating app on Facebook. Someone would pop up in the chat and you would chat for 3 minutes (mostly just small talk) however most of the time near the end you would exchange MSN details and continue chatting however most of the time you would only ever chat once on MSN and then never hear from them again but then there was Emma. We would chat for hours together getting to know each other. Emma was 6 months pregnant when we started chatting her ex boyfriend dumped her when he found out she was pregnant believing it wasn't his though Emma told me it was his baby because she hadn't been with anyone else (remember this part for later on in this story) Over the next few weeks we would chat everyday by either text or MSN and eventually I plucked up enough courage to ask to meet up and she said yes. She lived in Middlesbrough which was a couple of hours away having to catch 3 trains. We both agreed that it would be best for the baby to be born before we met. We agreed on January 21st 2009 which would be a month after her due date and about 2 and a half months away. A few weeks later I decided to tell Emma how I truly felt about her, I was falling in love with her, The 5 minute wait for her to reply felt like hours but when she replied saying the same way I was so relieved and so happy. Fast forward to Christmas Eve Emma had gone into labour and I was checking my phone every minute waiting for the news and by mid afternoon I got the call I was waiting for, Emma had given birth to a baby girl. I was so happy not just because Emma and the baby were both ok but also Emma said the 3 words I had been waiting to hear "I love you". The 21st of January quickly came and I made the 3 and a half journey to Middlesbrough to see Emma for the first time. I arrived at the train station and I saw her standing there, she looked so beautiful, we hugged for what felt like a long time it seemed like neither of us wanted to let go. We had a great day together going for a meal and then to the cinema. Before I left Emma's mum came to the station to pick her up and I got to see little Violet for the first time and I will never forget holding her in my arms for the first time. Over the next few months I would come up to visit at least once a month but over time I started to see changes in Emma. She would take longer and longer to reply to messages, she told me that her ex boyfriend was not Violet's father and she had been talking to the guy she thought was the father (So much for only ever being with one guy before me like she said) then came the day I was dreading, Emma told me she had been seeing another guy and that she wanted to be with him. I was so heartbroken in so much pain I considered taking my own like, The fact that someone I loved so much and that I thought loved me could hurt me so badly my me so hateful I didn't want to carry on living anymore, eventually a slightly clearer head prevailed. I respected her wish not to contact her anymore but for a long time not a day went by when I didn't think about her and Violet. Over time I thought about her less and less. And over time I realised she never truly loved me, I was just someone who was there when no one else was. Things did eventually get better for me but that's another story for another day.