Fuck everything, fuck everyone. I have no problem with the reality of this situation, I don't. But I hate when people act like I'm making a big deal out of this. WE HAVE A LEASE, WE LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE! We share everything. Her parents LIVE ACROSS the street. This makes things ungodly complicated, especially when one of the people involved thinks that if they hold their breathe and stomp their feet everything will be fine.
I seriously think I'm the only one who lives in the real world and doesn't think of money and time as abstract notions. I go to a shitty job and grind out a living, I can't not care if the gas is past due, if the rents late.
I decided to just move back to my parents which will be torture on top of torture. For fucks sake, I'm 28 and we don't even get along.
MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS
Oh by the way, what she said that floored me was that she thought she was pregnant and had been without my knowledge not taking her pill for the last three months.
I know a lot of you would take that in a different way than me. But I took it as someone chose me, trusted me, loved me, for more than our lives but even after we'd be old and dead. As that child would take forth a seed of our combined love to their child, and so on and so on.
I know how hard I am to love, and I never believe I love someone or they love me until I've pushed them away. I'm so sorry to anyone I've hurt, but if it makes you feel any better I pay in spades for it with my own agony.
I do love her, I will love her always (I know I will, I've been through this before).
And all of this really is all my own fault.
I sincerly hope things work for Jon and Brenda, I would hate to think all of this hurt is for nothing, I hate waste of any kind even emotional.
I seriously think I'm the only one who lives in the real world and doesn't think of money and time as abstract notions. I go to a shitty job and grind out a living, I can't not care if the gas is past due, if the rents late.
I decided to just move back to my parents which will be torture on top of torture. For fucks sake, I'm 28 and we don't even get along.
MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS
Oh by the way, what she said that floored me was that she thought she was pregnant and had been without my knowledge not taking her pill for the last three months.
I know a lot of you would take that in a different way than me. But I took it as someone chose me, trusted me, loved me, for more than our lives but even after we'd be old and dead. As that child would take forth a seed of our combined love to their child, and so on and so on.
I know how hard I am to love, and I never believe I love someone or they love me until I've pushed them away. I'm so sorry to anyone I've hurt, but if it makes you feel any better I pay in spades for it with my own agony.
I do love her, I will love her always (I know I will, I've been through this before).
And all of this really is all my own fault.
I sincerly hope things work for Jon and Brenda, I would hate to think all of this hurt is for nothing, I hate waste of any kind even emotional.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
i've been nothing but a friend to you because i knew you didnt have any friends.
i was an HOUR late meeting brenda because you just had to sit there and talk more and more. did i complain? nope. was i ever mean to you? nope. i forgot that you had screamed in my face. said some real shitty things to me. and i was still there for you.
i looked past you saying "FUCK OFF" and now you putting shit in a thread about how i have ulterior motives about jon. fuck that dude. like i said. feel free to lose my number. and i yours. good lucky trying to find someone to listen to the same bullshit over and over and over. "
Oh really I love this, I do. Wow I'm so sorry I caused you an hours incovenience. Really in light of things thats a pretty tall order. Especially considering you guys were on your way to Jons. Too funny, really I should be more respectful of Jon. I love it.
Loose your number? Why bother you didn't take my calls and blew me off anyway.
I also love that I'm bending over backwards to do the right thing. I have not blamed her or been mean. I have been honest and forthright. I have even tried to be respectful.
But yet, I'm the asshole. I love the I don't have friends part. What I don't have are drinking buddies that I trade in every couple of months. Well I guess I'm missing out. To be honest I don't have many friends, and Brenda is my best friend. But the ones I do have care about me and have been here for me for years. I'm sure that was just a small childish remark to try to hurt me. I am sensitive about it, and I am not very likeable, but there is no crime in being lonely.
[Edited on Dec 21, 2004 4:53PM]
Here's where I'm sitting at right now.
Due to some stupid ass fiscal regulations that just got passed for all the USAF specialties that deal with ground combat, and the fact that we have a cheap-ass Light Colonel in charge of equipment procurement for my Group, I'm now stuck with using the RBA/Ranger Body Armor type vest. I'm guessing you probably know what it looks like, but I figure it's better to be safe than sorry...
They offered me the newer Interceptor armor, but it's way too bulky for my frame. Any of the newer plate carriers are out of the question because of a perceived need to make up for previous issues of misallocation/abuse of equipment (not by me). So, I need something that works with the RBA. The slimmer, the better.
I've looked at folks like Tactical Tailor (Rifle-style vest) and Blackhawk (DOAV-model vest), for example, but I'm trying to locate other quality vendors who would be able to ship at short notice (I deploy in the second week of January). At this point, I'm more looking for info, because I'm not exactly sure what specific USAF channel the funds would come from (more likely some form of GWOT fund or unit procurement card).
Any info would be appreciated, and I'd be more than glad to try to introduce a new source for gear to our procurement folks.
Again, thanks a ton man. I owe you one!