First and foremost I'd like to thank you all that sent me lovely birthday wishes. :]
But, I think trixeegirl said it best when she said it's so easy to get on here and bitch.. so, unfortunately thats what Im going to do.. well, not so much bitch as to just get a lot of things out that I've been dealing with. I put up a good strong front, but every once in a while its nice to know I have somebody who will listen to me and let me know its going to be okay..
My mom has been really sick for a while now. She's been having uncontrollable bleeding and hemorrhaging. She might need surgery to correct it, but nobody is too sure yet. She's also been having a lot of trouble breathing lately, and shes been exhausted all the time. My mom, the early bird.. didnt even call me until almost 4PM yesterday on my birthday because she was so tired she slept all day. We're still waiting to hear more on her whole situation, but if I know my mother at all, she'll pull through.
And to make matters worse, I got a call from Ava's (my 4 year old cousin) school today from her principal telling me to come pick her up right away, they thought she was having a seizure. I raced over there, and took her home, and we took her to the doctors, and she didnt have a seizure, but she did pass out. The doctors dont know why, but she has been sick for a little while too. Nothing out of the ordinary though. Lets just hope this doesnt happen again, because if it does.. she's in for a whirlwind of tests. :[
And since Im just pouring my heart out via SuicideGirls.. I figure, why not cover it all at one? I hate to keep beating a dead horse, but I cant stop thinking about him. Not a day goes by where I dont miss him terribly, and then want to ring his neck for breaking my heart. I cant figure out if I love him or hate him.. and what's really scary to me is that those emotions are both so strong, Im having trouble telling the difference which is which anymore.. I guess what they say is true.. you first love never really dies..
I've accepted things for what they are, and essentially what they arent, and never will be again.. it hurts, but Im trying.. Out of all the phone calls, text messages, e-mails, messages, and comments I got yesterday.. there was one I never got. I'm working on it.. but I really hate missing you.
But, I think trixeegirl said it best when she said it's so easy to get on here and bitch.. so, unfortunately thats what Im going to do.. well, not so much bitch as to just get a lot of things out that I've been dealing with. I put up a good strong front, but every once in a while its nice to know I have somebody who will listen to me and let me know its going to be okay..
My mom has been really sick for a while now. She's been having uncontrollable bleeding and hemorrhaging. She might need surgery to correct it, but nobody is too sure yet. She's also been having a lot of trouble breathing lately, and shes been exhausted all the time. My mom, the early bird.. didnt even call me until almost 4PM yesterday on my birthday because she was so tired she slept all day. We're still waiting to hear more on her whole situation, but if I know my mother at all, she'll pull through.
And to make matters worse, I got a call from Ava's (my 4 year old cousin) school today from her principal telling me to come pick her up right away, they thought she was having a seizure. I raced over there, and took her home, and we took her to the doctors, and she didnt have a seizure, but she did pass out. The doctors dont know why, but she has been sick for a little while too. Nothing out of the ordinary though. Lets just hope this doesnt happen again, because if it does.. she's in for a whirlwind of tests. :[
And since Im just pouring my heart out via SuicideGirls.. I figure, why not cover it all at one? I hate to keep beating a dead horse, but I cant stop thinking about him. Not a day goes by where I dont miss him terribly, and then want to ring his neck for breaking my heart. I cant figure out if I love him or hate him.. and what's really scary to me is that those emotions are both so strong, Im having trouble telling the difference which is which anymore.. I guess what they say is true.. you first love never really dies..
I've accepted things for what they are, and essentially what they arent, and never will be again.. it hurts, but Im trying.. Out of all the phone calls, text messages, e-mails, messages, and comments I got yesterday.. there was one I never got. I'm working on it.. but I really hate missing you.
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it must also have been really stressful for you to have to go take care of your cousin. at least it was just her passing out rather than having an actual seizure.
love is a tricky thing, youre going to feel one way and then the other part of you that wants to feel the love again and is resistant to change pulls you the other way. you hate him for what he did to you, but part of you wants him back, and really as ive said before you prolly are best off letting it all out and waiting. it takes time to reset yourself emotionally, since in general every day when you wake up your mind restores to a sort of default state that is centered around the past.
this cant help but remind me of something that happened to me in september, where i really screwed up and lost a girl i was really interested in [how that even happened i really dont know, since we never really formally met in person]. i feel very much the same way - at first i hated her not i wish i hadnt messed up and really regret it. this isnt something i like to talk about on SG since i dont think she is a member but she does know my alias...