Back home in the East Bay after a long weekend in Oregon. I fucking love it up there, and always want to turn around and head back the moment I cross back into California. I seriously want to move up there, but I'm so fucking broke I have no idea what I would do if I can't immediately find work. I think a change of scenery would be extremely benificial to my mental health. I've been a lot better the last month or so, I only think about jumping in front of a bus a couple times a week instead of multiple times every fucking day. A weekend in Oregon usually clears my mind for a bit afterward, so I'm thinking the next week or two should be nice.
I'm rambling and I don't know why. I've never openly talked about my suicidal thoughts or attempts before so I really don't know why I'm writing about it now..? Maybe it's because I don't feel like a piece of shit at the moment? Maybe it's because I think I'll make it more than a few days without having them this time? In all honesty, it's probably because I know no one will actually read this.
Whatever the reason, fuck it.