TALES FROM THE DRUNK BOYSCOUT
Last night I worked...and when I say worked, I mean I cooked nachos, made salads, pulled pizzas, and wrapped lawash.
Said tasks were performed while sneakily hitting a flask filled with whiskey behind the oven. Soon enough, or maybe too late, I became incredibly intoxicated, which spawned many a burnt pizza and overdressed salads. My boss/bestfriend NewBomb stood at the opposing section of our fine kitchen, unknowingly screaming at your hero, the drunk.
Wild-eyed and disheveled, I crept along the walls trying desperately not to fall while grabbing more pizza trays.
As the night progressed and all the servers finally gave up on my hopeless culinary skills, the line slowly died down and I was left to my blurry self. Silently, the whiskey permeated my mind leaving a sense of euphoria flowing through my veins. Each cigarette break, ironically, felt like my last breath of air. I was sickly tired, and grossly mind-fucked. Solace came with the ding of a clock, which read "1:00." Crossing the kitchen, punching out, I escaped to the bar where drinking soon held my stature. By the time NewBomb closed the kitchen, I'd already consumed a flask, a shot, and two crown and cokes. I begged for him to take me home, like some newly bride caked with wine and presents.
Instead of home, the asshole brought me to his adobe, which also brandished Crown Royal.
Three bowls of "Jew-O's" ( a type of cereal my Jewish friend purchased from some kosher store), four drinks, and too much vinyl, I finally entered the ultimate comatose.
What happened, and what I don't understand, was your drunk hero stripping down to his whitey-tighties, trying desperately to fit myself within a sleepingbag, crashing onto the floor; finally giving up.
I awoke this morning to Jewish Johnny and his Asian girlfriend placing ice cubes on my underwear covered penis, while giggling like some cheap Anime film.
I can't remember the last time I slept in a sleepingbag or had ice placed on my dick.
Boyscout camp, 7th grade? Who fucking knows. The chaos must stop, 'cause chaos ain't me!
finis
Last night I worked...and when I say worked, I mean I cooked nachos, made salads, pulled pizzas, and wrapped lawash.
Said tasks were performed while sneakily hitting a flask filled with whiskey behind the oven. Soon enough, or maybe too late, I became incredibly intoxicated, which spawned many a burnt pizza and overdressed salads. My boss/bestfriend NewBomb stood at the opposing section of our fine kitchen, unknowingly screaming at your hero, the drunk.
Wild-eyed and disheveled, I crept along the walls trying desperately not to fall while grabbing more pizza trays.
As the night progressed and all the servers finally gave up on my hopeless culinary skills, the line slowly died down and I was left to my blurry self. Silently, the whiskey permeated my mind leaving a sense of euphoria flowing through my veins. Each cigarette break, ironically, felt like my last breath of air. I was sickly tired, and grossly mind-fucked. Solace came with the ding of a clock, which read "1:00." Crossing the kitchen, punching out, I escaped to the bar where drinking soon held my stature. By the time NewBomb closed the kitchen, I'd already consumed a flask, a shot, and two crown and cokes. I begged for him to take me home, like some newly bride caked with wine and presents.
Instead of home, the asshole brought me to his adobe, which also brandished Crown Royal.
Three bowls of "Jew-O's" ( a type of cereal my Jewish friend purchased from some kosher store), four drinks, and too much vinyl, I finally entered the ultimate comatose.
What happened, and what I don't understand, was your drunk hero stripping down to his whitey-tighties, trying desperately to fit myself within a sleepingbag, crashing onto the floor; finally giving up.
I awoke this morning to Jewish Johnny and his Asian girlfriend placing ice cubes on my underwear covered penis, while giggling like some cheap Anime film.
I can't remember the last time I slept in a sleepingbag or had ice placed on my dick.
Boyscout camp, 7th grade? Who fucking knows. The chaos must stop, 'cause chaos ain't me!
finis
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