gentlefemm

Wow we have all the luck in the world.....Around the holidays this dark cloud surronds me and I don't know how to make it go away. Everyday for the past week I have cried.....Damn cloud....tut tut it looks like rain...While eveyone is happy and shopping for thier loved ones and saving a butt load of money I will be holding a box of tissues at a funeral. Jodi's Grandmother past away Monday morning. Went into the hospital because she couldn't breathe. Came out in a coffin. Most people who know Jodi know that her mother past away December 4 2001. People in her family tend to past away at the time when family are closer. Or in my case when families are fighting and angry with eachother. Hence the black cloud directly over my head. I even got into a fight with someone I never wanted to fight with in the first place. God my heart hurts. As if the holidays aren't hard enough for me. I had a good thanksgiving with Jodis co-worker...but felt empty to see her family all laughs and smiles....is that what holidays are all about? Am I suppose to be happy? Talks of holiday shopping and what to get who....and all I could think about was the coffin we were about to see the next day....I got sleep last night thank you VALUIM! A whole 9 hours to....no tossing no turning...it felt good. Jodis dad is on his way....I am not ready to deal with this much less the holidays.....I need a shoulder and a costco box of tissue. I HATE THE HOLIDAYS!!!!! Please if you can give jodi all the support you can because I have no energy to deal with her and my baggage as well. I am a cold person and I deserve to be alone and I am sorry if I have hurt you....I suck.....